I’ve been kinda quiet here lately.
That’s a shame. I like to write on my blog. But my life has been somewhat exciting, and that doesn’t always leave time for writing.
Isn’t that funny? When life is most interesting, you don’t have time to stop and tell about it.
I remember I kept a diary as a teenager. I would oh-so-faithfully write down everything that happened or occurred to me. Volumes, pages and pages of my life would be documented.
I soon grew incredibly sick of writing down all the nothing that occurred in my life. I thought to myself “I am spending so much time writing down what I’m doing that I am not doing anything.”
I was young and had no basis for comparison. It did not occur to me that I had no life. I just had directionless ambition for a life.
Anyway, I am blessed to have a life now. And that life has been getting in the way of my art–the art of this blog.
You know, I’d love to fill this blog with delightful bits of interesting, useful and enlightening paragraphs. Some of the bits are those things.
Some of them aren’t.
I suppose that anything i write is useful to me. It is useful to write, it is useful to express my thoughts, for my own edification, even if no one else really cares.
So, I do write.
But I would really like to be better at expressing my thoughts and impressions in such a way that others can benefit. Sure, I don’t mind being self-centered. That’s fine. But it is more fun when you can bring others along on the trip.
Sometimes, though, when I am at my most creative and original, when I am most inspired, I seem to lose connection with others.
I am in love with originality. I reach for it whenever I can. I am thrilled when I find a new perspective, or a new way to express something difficult to grok.
It is HARD! We struggle, I struggle to understand more about how people workd and how the world works. WHY are things the way they are? WHY do things turn out the way they do?
Once in a while, I catch a glimpse. A flash of what I know to be the bigger picture hits the retinas of my understanding.
Hallelujah! Tell everyone and throw a party! I just got a little bit more of what it’s all about!
Except…not everyone wants to come to the party. I want to share the gift I recieved, but it turns out that people are not ready to listen.
What?! I thought we were all doing this together. I thought that this was we were all working on. Understanding, enlightenment, all of that.
So why don’t you want it when it comes available? I want to share, and you don’t want any?
Maybe other people really aren’t looking for enlightenment. Maybe they prefer dim light and stupefied complacency.
Maybe I’m just kidding myself. Maybe the revelation I think i have recieved is not amazing. Maybe I am stupid, and this insight that I astonishes me is as ordinary as a rock.
Maybe I’ve been walking on a slow incline. As I work towards understanding more and more, my atennae are picking up bits and pieces and gathering and re-forming the information that I get. Maybe the accumulation of knowledge has been a slow process, one requiring diligence and time.
Therefore, my flash of brilliance took place at a mountaintop. I’ve been working towards it harder than I realized.
When I go to share it, I find that I am already being a geek and using advanced examples that others don’t understand.
It’s like I’ve been following a train of thought pretty far down the tracks, and I’m way down the line.
Sometimes, when I’m trying to explain something, I get frustrated. I feel like snapping my fingers and saying “Hey! Keep up! Pay attention, we haven’t even gotten to the main point yet.”
But then, who am I to demand that kind of attention? If others don’t want to know, they won’t pay attention.
I know some nerdy people who know a hell of a lot about certain rather narrow subjects. They dove deep to get to what they wanted to know. About the inner workings of physics, or the inner workings of a computer, or the relationships in telecommunications networks.
And that means they get to a point where they can only talk to each other about those particular subjects. No one else understands them.
I often feel like that. Like I’ve jumped into a body of knowledge, and I’ve gotten far enough that it’s hard to talk to others about it without a LOT of background explanation.
Except…where are my colleagues?
Poets and philosophers are not honored in this computer age.
Original thought is not prized. Not unless you can patent it.
And you know what? I understand that. I am a deeply practical person. I understand the value of a good meal. “Good” meaning reliably recurring.
But I also understand the value of an original thought; it is at the same time the most selfish and altruistic act.
For what is more personally gratifying than discovery?
And by what means will humanity and the world improve itself other than through the adoption of new ideas?
I wrestle with my creativity. I am electrified and frustrated by turns. And sometimes at the same time.
Perhaps it would be easier if my talents lay in more tangible directions. If I were inspired to be a plumber, for example.
But that is not the case. Here I am, striving with Ideas.