What just happened, lady?

[All quotes taken from Diving Deep and Surfacing by Carol P. Christ]

Walking through a store, three beautiful ladies shopping. My friends and I stop to admire some boots. One friend says:

“I have fat calves. Boots never fit me right.”

“Me too!” I say.

The third woman says quietly, “Boots never fit me right either. But…why do we all assume that we are fat? Why don’t we just say they make the boots too small?”

We stare at her, amazed at her wisdom.

Instead of recognizeing their own experiences, giving names to their feelings, and celebrating their perceptions of the world, women have often suppressed and denied them. When the stories a women reads or hears do not validate what she feels or thinks, she is confused. She may wonder if her feelings are wrong. She may even deny to herself that she feels what she feels.

I spend a huge amount of time between the pages of a book. This has been true as long as I could read.

When I was a teenager, I began to write poetry. It occurred to me that nearly all the writers I loved to read were male. The obvious conclusion was that men had greater talent at writing, that females simply were unable to produce strings of beautiful words.

Men were, categorically, better writers than women.

This did not seem in keeping with my assesment of the young men I know. According to the evidence, these boys must be capable of producing poetry and metaphor to an even greater extent than myself.

I watched them, waiting for jewels to drop out of their mouths. But the only thing I heard was re-telling of last night’s movie rental, or TV show.

Hmm. No precious nuggets there. Perhaps their poetic talents were private. I approached them straight out, taking a survey of my aquaintances:

“Do you ever write poetry?”

To my surprise, almost all of them said they did. Of course, I didn’t ask and they did not offer to share their efforts with me. But I was sure that their poetry must be far superior to my feeble efforts.

Women have lived in the interstices between their own vaguely understood experience and the shaping given to experience by the stories of men. The dialectic between experience and shaping experience through storytelling has not been in women’s hands.

A grieving and battered woman sits with her parents. She is on the cusp of a tragic choice. Weary and toneless, she speaks to her mother and father:

“I have told you how it’s been. You know the story. I have tried all I can try. He won’t listen. He won’t change. I cannot stay with the way things are. I will have to divorce him.”

Her father answers, “You are too emotional right now to make that decision.”

She lifts her heavy head to stare at him. After a moment, she turns to her mother. “Do I sound emotional to you?”

Hesitantly, the mother replies: “No. But what your father means is…”

In a very real sense, there is no experience without stories… Stories give shape to experience, experience gives rise to stories. At least this is how it is for those who have had the freedom to tell their own stories, to shape their lives in accord with their experience. But this has not usually been the case for women. Indeed, there is a very real sense in which the seeming paradoxical statement “Women have not experienced their own experience” is true.

The perfect strategy for picking up women

I am not very impressed with men who try to pick up women they don’t know in a public place. I mostly find such men annoying and a distraction from my fun on a night out.


I have recently discovered a few of my friends who confessed to a desire–nay, a requirement–that the male make the first move to begin a relationship.

They admit it’s irrational and that they perhaps should be independent women, able to ask a guy out. But they can’t get over the need to be swept off their feet.

This is asking–nay, begging–for trouble. Nice men who respect the equal footing of their prospective female partners expect these equal human specimens to give a clear green light of interest.

ONLY the men who think of women as chattel, as prizes to be won, will easily approach a woman with intent to romance. They are the ones with practice at it, and I just find that slimy.

Let’s be real…who doesn’t want to be approached by someone declaring your attractiveness? Males and Females both appreciate appreciation. Why do these ladies think only females deserve to get the prize, to lay back and recieve admiration while giving nothing?

It’s not fair, it’s not equal and it’s downright foolish to be at the mercy of the first comer.

But since these women are unable to be convinced otherwise, I write this formula. This is my advice to the nice, non-slimy, shy men of the world who can’t quite figure out how to approach females.

Spot a woman. Make sure she is not obviously attached. Wedding ring? not for you. Part of a couple? Leave her alone.
But if she is with a group of friends, that’s best.

Approach her and say:

“Hi. What’s your name?”

“What?!” you say. “That doesn’t make me stand out of the crowd. That’s so…normal.”

No shit, Sherlock. Normal is what you want. Start with Normal, and build from there.

Okay. So the female looks at you. Perhaps she answers with her name, perhaps she just looks at you stunned, because she is not used to normal guys talking to her out of nowhere. Tell her your name in the stunned pause.

“My name is Pete Normal.”

and then you say, “you have a wonderful smile.”

She will be flattered. She may get flustered. Remember, you don’t know this woman. She may have all kinds of feelings about that statement. If she wants to talk to you, you can talk for a little bit at this point. But here is the important part:


Say, “Hey, I’ll see you later.” Drift away. Don’t hang around like a pathetic loser. Even if she is being talkative, excuse yourself politely and walk away.

If she is interested, she will keep glancing your way. Or she may not. Either way, give it some time. Let your sweet normality simmer in her mind.

Then, before you leave, approach her again. Have your phone number/email address written down, and go talk to her. Say:

“It was great to meet you. I’d love to see more of your smile.” Give her that piece of paper with your contact information.

She may give you a hug goodbye. She may write down her number/email to give to you. These are all good things.

She may not do either of these things. But give her the number and then walk away. You will be a prince.

Guys, I do not promise that she will call you every time. But I can reasonably guarantee that if you do this repeatedly, you will find eventually find a lady who is receptive and be on your way to a fulfilling relationship.

Good news and bad news

The good news is, I’ve got my new (it’s not a year yet, it’s still new) job figured out.

The bad news is, I’ve got my new job figured out.

Well, I finally went and spent some time at headquarters, and fully mind-melded with those there. I feel like I picked their brains dry, and I know what I need to know. I also know when they are talking but really aren’t saying anything.

SO. This means I have a clear view of the battlefield ahead of me, and can march on the enemy of disorder and chaos.

It is not a pretty picture, but I at least know I’m seeing the whole thing and can trust my own judgement.

The needle has dropped in the groove.

After 8 months of trying to understand what the heck I was supposed to be doing here, I now know. And it is a great relief to get working on all the chaos.

But…this means my Field Marshall personality is in full swing, and I want to start throwing myself into this project.

I like projects. But just because this one I have found at work is new and exciting doesn’t mean that I should neglect my other important goals.

It’s been kind of hard for me to write lately. Hence, my blog is suffering. I apologize for that, friends.

Bear with me. I am struggling for balance in my passionate pursuits.

reading and listening

I finished the LATW drama “The Cocktail Hour”

It was a good play. I adore all their recorded plays. This one was rather modern in that it ironically referred to itself a lot. Very funny.

I have started the Teaching company’s Churchill. I did not know that Winston Churchill was half American!

Maybe I’ll have more to stay about that as I finish it.

In praise of Laura Scott

I have foot issues, to be honest. I walk hard and fast, and I am not particularly physically aware. I don’t think about the pieces of my body, not without concentration.

So I am prone to twisting ankles. And those cute little slip-ons, ‘mules’ or even flip-flops…not gonna happen. I am prone to striding forward and kicking them completely off my foot, or even more painfully, kicking them slightly forward to bring the back edge of the shoed irectly into my soft heel when I step down again. OW!

I like cute shoes. I wish I could put my pretty feet into pretty shoes. But i have learned that they have to be tied to my foot, with laces or strapped around the ankle, or I just can wear them. Boots work too. They are very securely fastened to my body.

And to add insult to my disability, I have had to wear orthopedic inserts to keep from having painful throbbing muscles and bones in my legs. yuk.

My fashion sense suffers.

BUT! I have discovered a really really great shoe designer. I have two pairs of shoes from her, both extremely cute.

Laura Scott

These are her shoes I’m wearing today:

Like how my hose already has a blown out toe? sigh…This is the problem us tall women have with hose. You can find a picture of my first pair from Laura Scott here
I find her shoes at Sears, and they are so comfy! Both pairs have a little heel, 2 or 3 inches, and are unique and interesting. But despite the heel, these are comfortable enough to walk around mall in two hours. Now that’s comfortable.

Ms. Scott deserves recognition. These are awesome little cute shoes. Check her out, you won’t be sorry.

Books I have read in the last two weeks

I dont’ have time to review them all, but I would like to keep a record of the books I read.

Open Secret by Alice Munro
The man in my basement by Walter Mosely
The Wife by Meg Wolitzer
I want to wear a red dress by Pearl Cleage
The Love Wife by jen Gish

Okay, I’m still in the m iddle of Love Wife. I ran out of book last thursday and Karen loaned it to me.

I have also listened to, recently, a whole lot of audio tapes with lecture series on them. Crazy wonderful, those are. LOVE LOVE LOVE the teaching company:

The history of freedom
The history of Myth
Alexander the Great and the Hellenic Age
The Middle Ages

I tried but got bogged down in:
Great Romans

too many names in that one, and I REALLY wanted to listen to the middle ages series, which was MUCH more absorbing. Middle ages knock me out.

I just checked out:

That one should be interesting. More recent, anyway.

Okay, that’s enough for now.

Time flies

And I have a lot of goals that I need to get working on. I have been making progress, but there is still a ways to go.

For work, I managed to attain critical mass. I don’t know everything, but I know enough to trust my own judgment here. At last. Now I can get moving on THOSE goals.

And then there is my house. It is STILL a wreck after the ship show. Which was a huge success, and I hope we will have another. But 20+ ship nerds and all their toys took a complete re-org of the house. MY office was the one that became the storage room. Okay, it was pretty unpacked looking before, but now it’s wall to wall, I can barely move.

So, I need to get working on that.

And there are all kinds of other goals. My life is peaceful but very busy. And a little lonely. I would like to have more friends near me. I am very slow at making friends, there seems to be no way around it.

I do have excellent friends, but I have just moved, so I know no one close by. That will take some time.

And there is my writing. Can’t forget that.

Better not forget that!

I’m going to go work on it now, so I will close this post. I just wanted to put something up so as not to neglect my readers.

Sieze the Day…er..Month! This is a month of action

March First!

Maybe it is the only day of the year that is advice. Why not? It could be on a fortune cookie:

Confucius say: March first

Let us March, in any case. Let us march toward the goal, let us make strides to wherever we think is worth going.

Let us not drag and dally and dawdle. There are places to go and things to see and accomplish.


(I’d like to dedicate this blog entry to my brother, who inspired and encouraged my interest in viewing words as verbs…who also inspired this blog entry, one that is always in my top three most popular posts..check it out)