It was high school graduation, and as the only member of my graduating class, it would have been a tree falling in a forest with no one around to hear.
But that was not my way. I was going to make it into an event.
I had been in home school, with no proms and no homecoming. I had never had any of those fun events, but I was going to have a graduation. And if I possibly could, I would pack that small scrap that fell off the rich table of everyone else’s high school experience into my pathetic life–I would pack that graduation celebration with as much of the other things I’d missed as possible.
And of course, the biggest grievance to me was the lack of formal wear. I was going to have a party, and I would ask my friends to dress formally.
Which meant that i would have the occasion to create a confectionary concoction of a gown. I drew it and patched together parts of different patterns so that the sleeves of one, the bodice of another and the hem of the last would result in my fantasy dress.
Sewing was the only way I could conceive of getting a dress like this. We were not people who bought clothes off the rack; it was hand-me-downs or sew it yourself if you wanted something particular.
So, the pattern was ready, but I still needed to find the perfect fabric.
I wanted to go shopping in Anchorage for it. And I thought of a friend to go with. She had graduated last year, but she was willing to go shopping with me.
Becky was always nice. I met her at her house and we made our way into Anchorage. We looked around and found the fabric I wanted, eventually.
It was a very low-key day. And I was not feeling low-key. But I thought about it a little, and realized that I really couldn’t expect much else.
“You know, Becky, days can just be like that. That you maybe are wishing for something spectacular, but for the most part, days are just pretty much ordinary.”
She looked at me and said, “Yes, days are pretty much ordinary.”
I don’t know if she had any idea what I was talking about. I’m not sure if it is a feeling that other people have.
Sometimes I feel like a flame, that I am HOT and consuming. Books, ideas, shows, projects, actions…I want to be always in the middle, and maybe enough is never enough.
I graduated a long time ago.
THIS summer, I am getting ready to get married. I am also launching an impressive e-commerce website and having a 350 sq. ft. addition built on my house.
THAT’s a lot of a lot.
Any one of those things could become overwhelming. But because there were three things, Chris and I were very focussed and took care of each thing in order.
Two weeks ago, we launched the website very successfully. There are still some loose ends to take care of and we need to organize the exciting world of keeping it running, but our customers are happy and so are we.
Which leaves me now with only TWO overwhelming things to do.
I feel sort of empty.
A while back, when I was even more clueless than I am now, i went to a “networking” event. Everyone was supposed to wear a name tag and put what they were looking for underneath it.
I put down “a challenge.”
And I am still looking for a challenge.
The Incredibles talks about this a little. The problem of ability vs. the utter mundanity of life
Should we stretch ourselves to greater capacity?
Like Frodo! Ah, what a glorious tale of an ordinary guy who saves the world.
I am waiting for my chance to save the world.
I found a very cool online comic strip. Yes, I’m a huge fan of Tolkien, and love the movies. But here is a satire, as if the adventures they were having were a kind of Dungeons and Dragons game.
It’s an EPIC story, the kind used for fodder in games like D&D. And the dungeon master is narrating their adventure at a certain plot point:
You run tirelessly through the endless grasslands
the players, the HEROES talk back to the narrator/Dungeon Master:
‘You mean we run endlessly through tiresome grasslands, don’t you?”
And therein is our problem. What does it take to get a good epic? We are heroes, aren’t we? Dispense with this ridiculous petty earthbound reality! Where are the dragons to slay?
And don’t make me fight through stop and go traffic to get there! I should be impervious to the laws of physics and weakness!
Excuse me, the cell phone is rining to remind to not to forget the cover sheet on the TPS reports.