Life is good

Well, I’m getting ready to go back to work. It was a hellish week, with the head being taken over by very mean demons.

I couldn’t lift my head. Which means I was very debilitated. I spent a portion of the week contemplating that debilitation could be forever, and what would it be like if I were in pain and incapacitated for the rest of my life.

There are some sorts of sickness that do that to you. Not a cold…I think most people feel confident that a cold will pass. Vomiting, flu symptoms–I usually feel like I can hunker down and just wait and it will be gone.

But this time, I kinda wondered. What kind of person I would have to be to live with this kind of disability? What kind of people would I have to rely on if it were more permanent?


But it passed and I was eventually able to get up and do the dishes.

Chris’s grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday this weekend.

She is perfectly healthy, with the exception of her hearing. But she drives her Nissan maxima to bingo and watches the interest rates carefully.

But when you are 90, a lot of your friends might not be so lucky. She told me a lot of stories about friends who had trouble with their health and had died. Betty, one of her oldest friends, is losing her sight and is moving North to be near her daughter.

“Her granddaughter comes every day and cooks for her, so she can just microwave what she needs. But her granddaughter had several kids of her own, and it’s not good to rely on a granddaughter. It’s better to be near her daughter. That’s closer.”

Grandmother Ruth has a keen eye for merits and potential weaknesses for the caretakers of her friends. It is precarious to be so dependent. But this granddaughter comes every day to take care of Betty.

“She must be a very nice lady, for her granddaughter to come every day.”

Ruth’s face softened. “She is. She’s a very nice lady. I’ve known her since 72…or maybe 73…”

When I told Chris about this later, he said, “I would go every day to take care of my grandmother.” He was defending the honor of grandchildren everywhere.

And I know he would. Grandmother Ruth is also a very nice lady. She shuffles a mean deck of cards.

But as Grandmother had finished her story of how all the people she used to know in the trailer park were mostly dead, and was on about one of them in particular who had cared for her blind husband for 25 or 35 years…

“She did everything for him. Toward the end she had to get a man to come in and help him in the bath and things like that…But he died…a long time ago…and then she died too”

I was caught on the idea of a wife caring for her husband, doing everything for him for that long. I would not want to be like that husband, to be so dependent. The story was so stark, dramatic and tragic.

But then I thought, many their love was strong and sweet. Maybe they were peaceful and happy, even with that trouble. And maybe she was bereft without him, even though he was a burden.

Grandma Ruth is 90. She has a lot to think about, with all her friends and her own life. Heavy stuff. Everyone else was gone in the kitchen–I don’t think they would want her to go on about these sad things. Maybe that’s why she talks to me about it.

I interrupted her. . “You know, life–even though it can be hard, with health problems and losing sight and loved ones–life is good. It is sweet. People hang on and make it through all those hard times, and life is good.”

She answered very quickly, “Yes, life is good.”

How bad was it?

This week I had a headache SO BAD the outside of my head hurt.

I didn’t know that could happen.

But my head was in so much pain, when I touched my scalp, it hurt so much at the touch of my fingers that I felt like checking for blood. You know how sometimes you might hit your head on an open cupboard door and it hurts so much at first you can’t tell if you are bleeding?

I was not bleeding, but wow. What a headache–and for a week! It has subsided to a dull roar.

And I am experiencing the euphoria of health after not-health.

I so hate being immobile. that when I am at last restored to health I get very busy and am super happy to get things DONE.

more wedding photos

Lots of photos from friends are trickling in.

We asked a certain sometimes altar boy to help us out with the ceremony.

I didn’t think of him as an altar boy at the time. I thought of him as a bright, artistic-type kid who might be kinda bored and might like to have something to do during the wedding, which he might consider boring

Here is a photo of Luke, taken by someone else:
He’s the kid in black, holding the camera.
I thought that was a great shot of him, even before I saw the photos he took. He’s totally alert, has his trigger finger poised on the camera.

His photos are GREAT! and I didnt even realize it, but him being an altar boy gave him a major advantage. He felt totally at home behind the altar, and he got photo angles that no one else would have.

Here’s one:


and he even got some cool arty shots:


You can check all of them out, and others, here.


There was the wedding. I guess today makes it a full week that I’ve been a wife.

But there have been a couple other things vying for my attention.

So it’s been a full week.

I want to get started on changing my name:

Murphy Daley

We went to the county office about 2 months ago and got the license. Father Andrew was very good about having it filled out and signed on Saturday.

But it’s not official until we mail in the signed form. Or we could take it in personally.

So check this out…I had an idea for a good plot twist. Imagine a mystery book.

The happy couple gets married…let’s say they elope in a fit of romance.

So they are married by strangers, and witnessed by people they dont know. THey are deliriously happy, and the next day one of them goes out to take their license and make it official.

But then disappears. Leaving the other one married, but with no way to prove it

I could see this being the start of a very interesting story.

It is a weird feeling, being slightly in limbo.I guess I’m too much of an engineer…I want full legal connectivity before I start switching all the connections.

And at the same time I am eager to be the new me.

So I’ve just been calling myself Murphy


So, married life is upon us.

We did not go anywhere for a honeymoon; we just wanted to be at home.

Sunday was still a lot of wrapping up, goodbyes, and getting people to the airport. Monday I woke up earlier than Chris and puttered around.

I went to wake him up later.

I crawled in bed next to him and he blinked at me. “Did you have any dreams?”

“No, I slept really well.”

“I had some dreams.”

“You did? Tell me”

“I dreamed that some hussy was all over me..”

“A hussy!”

“Yes, but I was flashing my ring at her to show I was married and she should stay away.”

“I don’t think that in real life a hussy would pay attention to your marital status.”

“Well, it was a dream. And then I had another dream with you in it.”

“With me?”

“Yeah, there was a man trying to put his hands all over you. I rushed in to protect you and beat him up. ‘Leave my wife alone!’ I said.”

“You were defending me? wow.”

He’s wonderful.

the coronation of King Chris

So, tomorrow I marry Chris.

This will be the culmination of a long courtship (isn’t that an archaic word?) and also the culmination of a lot of preparations.

He’s been working really really hard to make our house nice for the reception.

I’ve been working really hard on all the trappings that weddings, music, wardrobe.

We’ve been a great team.

I’m exhausted.

But I’m really looking forward to the party.

It’s getting into the single digits people

The pressure is getting higher.

Every day, every hour it seems, I am seeing more and more of the wonderfulness of Chris. I feel so priviledged to have the chance to love a man of this caliber. As I anticipate spending the rest of my life with him, words fail at the shining prospect.

I have a feeling I’ll need to keep kleenex handy for the next 10 days.

Yesterday, we got the rings:


The wedding rings are still being sized, but the engagement ring fit perfect. it is perfect.

Trying to find my Van Halen CD

It’s about the wedding dance.

My FAMILY and friends are coming to my house, to celebrate my wedding.

And I get to decide what songs to play for the dancing portion of party.


i get to inflict music of my choice on everyone.

I think I’m looking forward to this more than the actual wedding.

and now right away I feel guilty.

As much as I would enjoy having a huge crowd of people just be my personal audience as I dance my huge happiness in my own house, it’s not very hositable of me to choose only music that _I_ like.

It would probably be good to pick songs that would be appealing to a broad spectrum of people.

Now, there are certain rules of thumb when trying to be hospitable to a broad spectrum of people. Here is one: Make sure that there is a vegetarian selection on the menu

Which I thought about, when choosing the spaghetti THere was a choice–meatsauce or marinara sauce. I considered that I should get the marinara sauce for the vegetarians.

I thought, hey, it’s the same price. Shame to pay equal for the no-meat marinara. But, I should be a good hostess and provide for my vegetarian guests. Be thoughtful.

So then I thought…I know all the people that are coming. None of them are vegetarian. To be real, I am getting the spaghetti for little kids who decide they don’t want lasagna, just to have an alternate for the poor parents who want to feed teh kids SOMETHING. if for some reason one of our guests has become vegetarian in the last year there wi be salad.

I mean really. I know these people. THey are the nearest and dearest, right?

which brings us back to my Van Halen CD.

I’ve never DJed before, but I’ve suffered under DJs. I want to do it right. I don’t want to do tired songs. No Hoiday from Madonna. No Macarena. Low cheese content. The cheese is in the lasagna, not on the speakers.

So what would the people want to hear?

Should I break out the Petra? Beat the System isn’t bad..

NO…No…I can’t. I respect them…The men from Petra were like the rock’n’roll life support of my teenage years. They kept me breathing…They kept the blood on the inside of my wrists.

But I’m out of intensive care and BREATHING FRESH AIR BABY!

I think my CD collection will get me pretty far before I even have to hit up the iTUnes. I’ve never hit up the ‘Tunes yet..

And there is also the beauty of the great media that is now a part of my life. When Chris moved in, and i helped unpack his CDs
and the VINYL

Such great media wealth that has enriched my life.

okay, so I get to dip my bucket deep in into the wealth well of all this gorgeous music.


okay…so I’m going to leave aside those of us who remember the days of This Means War and To Hell with the Devil

Cause, like holly golightly said, anything that happened before the age of 14 just doesn’t count

alright, what can I do to give maximum pleasure to me and my guests?

and that brings it back to that tired topic…Music sucks these days! No wonder the music industry sales are down. FERGIE?! please G.L.A.M.O.R.O.U.S?

just keep your london bridge one who is anyone wants to cross over

Alright, so who’ve we got?

Bryan and Karen always say that i am those guys at “night at the Roxbury”

I admit that my beloved electrionica, techno, high-energy club music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Okay…I am adaptable. I can head bang…I can rock n Roll…

But i can’t seem to find my Van Halen CD