I’ve been learning from my daughter not to be so shallow.
For years–my whole life?–I’ve been consumed with the desire to be special. I was fairly convinced that I was not special, and really wanted to be so. I could ask myself “Why should you think YOU are special?” and any answer could be easily rebutted and discarded.
i had to have a REASON. I had to KNOW.
Veronica will be 16 months old this weekend. SHe’s been in my life for a long time. I love her, and I think she’s special. But the question remained “what makes HER so special?” She is a beautiful amazing child.
But every mother thinks this of her baby. She’s no different.
And the pain I went through–that I still go through–brining her into this world and up through life was monumental, life-changing and DIFFICULT. Just like all the other mothers and their babies. No different.
So I was being pulled, trying to find a path to special in this land of ‘no different’ that I walked through.
I don’t know how, but watching Veronica as she got ready for bed the other day…I saw the special. She is special. She plays with her toes just like every baby, but she DOES do it different. She is wonderful, beautiful and amazing just like every other baby, but she does it HER way.
I finally got it. That special means unique. It means snowflake. Nobody else like you.
Nobody else in the history of the world ate Cheerios just exactly the way Veronica does. Millions of babies have eaten Cheerios–the category is no different. But no one does it exactly the way she does.
And I appreciate that. Appreciation should be the outcome of special. EVERYONE is special. But not every person will be appreciated for their special unique qualities by every single other person.
It’s the appreciation that allows special to be so special.
So, instead of feeling that I shouldn’t be silly in talking of all the small things about my daughter, I am now free to notice and appreciate every single little thing. How she breathes–she has these adorable little sighs of satisfaction or thoughtfulness–and how she loves the dog and the cat and every little thing.
I’m wondering if I can do that for myself, too.