Listening to a program about colors, the hosts suggested that while colors do objectively exist we cannot ever be certain what color any individual is perceiving at any time.

People see different things. Some people are color blind and don’t see certain colors, or if they do, they see them differently.

This reminds me of something I learned in literature classes. I can write something, and someone else can read it. I cannot really know what that person takes away from what I have written. It is a creation of that reading, a combination of the person who wrote, the person who read and their experiential space and time.

I write things and send them out to my blog readers. Some of you respond in ways that are heartfelt and completely unexpected. I could not have guess that someone would read THAT into what I wrote.

I had no idea.

You and me, reader, can create something together that we could not do individually.

and isn’t that beautiful?

I told the librarian that I published a book. She was suitably impressed. She congratulated me, and asked “When do you find time to write? Do you treat it like a second job and sit down for four hours a day?”

I do not. I can’t say i find time to write. I find time to write like I find time to pee.

I do it when I can, whenever and whereever I find myself.

I have learned to be organized about it, and what I need to write next. And to edit when editing is required.
But I do not treat it so preciously that I have to set aside time.

Maybe one day I will set aside time. But mostly, I just do it in between all the other things.

Is literature the real world?
Maybe it is not the real world.

I took a break from literary books, and grabbed onto the fantasy raft. I need to know that dragons will be slain and heroes win.

BUt i was strong and the water had receded.

Excpet the book was strong too. I could’t handle this one. It is good. But I am not ready.

Don’t read the Bell Jar when you are feeling low.

And, some books are for the strong.

As a parent, I’ve become involved in the breathless anticipation of

MILESTONES

Baby is supposed to hold up her head, roll over, sit up and walk at a certain time.

She is supposed to do more as she gets older. Nap less, eat more, run, learn her alphabet and say please.

She’s doing fine, but there is that parental imperative to look ahead and make sure.

This is how humans grow. Except it seems to stop being tracked after a certain point.

at 6 months, they eat solid food.

At 13 (or so) puberty hits

at 16, they are the age to drive a car

at 18 they are mature enough to vote

age 21, they can drink alcohol

Then what? Do we all just stay at the same maturity?

Aren’t there milestones for me? I asked a psychology expert. She said that adult maturity is not well-researched.

So I am thrust back on my own life experience. What are the people I know doing? Who are the people I want to be like?

Where am I along the curve? Is there a curve? Do we flatline?

I think that perhaps the fear of mortality has kept us from looking for the curve. Because the curve has a beginning–birth–and an end

Death.

I don’t like thinking about death. That doesn’t make it less inevitable.

In any case, What are the candidates for progressive maturity? There is having a body of contibution to society. Children, a family, creative work, building something…that’s all fine for society.

But what about the soft skills? are we supposed to achieve patience and wisdom? How can we tell?

What is the difference between vapidity and longsuffering?

I don’t like this map-less territory. How do I know if I’m winning?

I am discovering something I am not pleased with. I love to talk, I like to visit with people. I let my opinions dangle off my sleeves.

It’s not hard to find out what I think of something.

And when I am asked a question, I answer it too fully. Especially in what I consider to be a casual situation.

But. I am thinking I need to build a few more defenses. It would be good if I could take my frustrations and put them aside, and give a convincing reply.

If I hear of something I am not happy about, i can say “How about that?”

But today someone saw through that. He understood exactly what I did not say.

I didn’t want him to understand what I did not say.

But.

I will have to find a way to sell myself on thinking differently, if it behooves me to do so.

because i can’t be so readable.

I am not sure how to do it. I will have to come up with a method.

Chris has taken to having the rabbit hop across Veronica’s crib at night. All the animals have their sounds, and he had to come up with one for Rabbit.

Zebra says ZZZ, doggie says woof. Simon’s cat says mow. Flamingo says ffff. The Hippopotamus hiccups.

But that leaves rabbit. Rabbit can hop. And he does hop. But Chris has given him a line. He hops, and then he says ‘I LOVE YOU!’ and dives into Veronica’s stomach, or neck, and gives her kisses.

This reminded me of The Quest for the Holy Grail. THAT rabbit had very vicious teeth and dove for the neck too.

But this rabbit is full of love.

I had to watch it again to be sure. But there is no evidence that the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch actually killed the rabbit.

That’s when I realized that the Holy Hand Grenade must have had a converting effect. The rabbit is now a righteous rabbit, and repentant rabbit.

He has changed message.

I LOVE YOU!

Do I know more than when she arrived?

Well, I know that she made it to her first

second

third

birthday.

I didn’t know that would happen when she arrived. I also didn’t know if I could make a go of this. I didn’t know that she would love me.

She does. Quite a lot. In the middle of the night.

I remember wanting to plan her 6 month birthday party. I was too tired. But I was glad that she reached it. I have learned the value of other mom friends.

That’s good.

I didn’t know it would be this hard for this long.

I think it will be this hard for even longer. But I know that I am stronger than I thought I was.

I really want to take my career to the next level. I have been stagnant for a while

I really want to take my writing to the next level.

I still need to clean out and organize my garage.

I’d like to be a better friend to the people I love.

I would like to be a better member of my community.

I would like to be more active in church.

But…I can’t do all those things at once. And a huge amount of them I don’t know how to do at all.

If, however, I look at it from my new perspective of “know what i know” I probably do have a little bit of an idea on how to start.

So..I have no comforting excuse that “i just don’t know what to do!”

I only have the not-comforting excuse of “i don’t have time!”

How very uncomforting that excuse it. Because whenever i sit down exhausted, I think “See~? You do have time. You could be doing all those things right now instead of sitting.”

Someone asked me what I do to unwind. HA!

right

I can put all my reviews from my blog..the reviews of books…up on goodreads. I thought i was all into shelfari…but now it’s goodreads…and I dont know what is next.

I’ve been pursuing some goals. And I have chugged up the the top of the hill, and then had the goal ripped out of my hands.

Then on to the next one and rush rush, get all ready and then have the rug pulled away again.

It’s enough to make a girl cautious. I am having a little trouble working up enthusiasm for the next one.

I tell myself that I am closer to my goal, and that all these near misses indicate that I am very close to achieving my dream.

it’s tough. I have to keep trucking. I have to keep trying.