boiler is not boiling

Yeah, I dunno. I just can’t quite get it going for my every day. I HAD all kinda of get up and go…but it didn’t come to anythng and now..

well. Now even the things under my control seem not worth the effort. I’m not flatlined…been there…been where I am so wiped out that i have to drag myself by my lips to keep moving.

Now…i’m moving. i’m doing this and that. But I am not feeling like I mean much of it.

I could tell myself that I’m resting on the confidence that I can handle what comes.

that sounds good. And that’s partly true.

But I *like* getting things done. And I’m mostly not getting things done right now.

My projects (other than this awesome long term BOOK project) are stagnant. Or a very slow trickle. and I just can’t seem to care right now.

I wonder.

wednesday

My motor shifted sometime last year.

I used to always be revving, gotta go do THAT gotta do the NEXT THING

Oh no! Gotta go do it!

But I sorta realized, hey, I could still get it done without the freak-out. Yeah, I need to go get that part. I’m getting that part. How about I relax? Maybe that part isn’t the right part. Well, I have to trust myself that I’ll recognize that and then go find the right answer.

It is a different way of being…the Calm-the-hell-down way of being.

I’m not entirely comfortable with it.

But it has a lot of advantages