The universe did not align for me to go to the folk music festival today. Dammit. I had been thinking I wanted to go. I didn’t find out when it was happening or anything, but I was still thinking I wanted to go.
Now it’s happening and I am not there. I am at home finishing a load of dishes. I could be spontaneous and just GO!
“MOMMEEE!!! I CAN’T FIND MY PRINCESS!”
no. no I cannot be spontaneous anymore.
So, what I really want to do is drive around and listen to Dido and Johnny Cash and cry.
I am woman hear me weep
I will roar if someone asks me what’s wrong.
Do not break the melancholy enchantment of a fine and pleasant self-pity.
J. Ruth Gendler’s Book of Qualities addresses ideas and emotions with illustrations and personifications. Here is something she says about despair:
“She is persuasive, eloquent and undeniably well-informed. If you attempt to change her mind you will come away agreeing with her.”
If you look for them, there are a lot of facts. There are facts for anything.
But a little bit of leaven raises the whole batch. And maybe that’s the faith that raises me out of despair. Despair is easy. Somehow it’s easier to believe in bad things. The bad things seem to linger.
I feel the wind. I hear it. I see what damage it’s done. I see all the disasters that almost happen and feel a flash of terror and pain as if they just did.
But the wind doesn’t blow forever. The vane says the wind is changing. There are no facts for what’s about to happen; good things are always possible.
The sun is always there and it will show its face.