The nameless longing

What is this thing? What are the edges of it?

what a soft-edged word, dream. I am dreaming of the knife in my belly that wants this like a hunger that hasn’t been satisfied ever

Maybe this is the time it will get satisfied. Maybe this is the first bite of a very very big meal to feed that hunger

When I take the soaring over california ride, I love it, it is beautiful. But the scene  that makes my breath catch and my heart pound is the airplane zooming past over the desert





I want that! and NOT on an individual level. Not only on an individual level. I want to raise monuments. I want to collaborate to land on the moon or make a system or

there is is

the scope must be broad. it will require more than me. It will require money and machines and systems and communication and collaboration and cooperation

It requires courage and decisiveness and focus over time. It requires vision and persistence and sticking it out when ┬ápeople don’t agree and don’t support it. I also requires standing against people when they actively try to chop me down at the knees in all the cruel ways that people viciously attack visionaries.

I’m not trying to expand consciousness. I’m trying to set up a national interconnected telecommunications system. Words like mother earth and father sky are never going to come up in my sessions.

But I am doing something new on the face of the earth, really really about to do something that no one has done before.And I want it so bad it can keep me up at night. That copper, that fiber and the army of mostly men in slouched khakis to make it all work all the time

i have to be sure and confident and focussed to do it, shutting out all outside voices. I know it’s ridiculous to compare myself to Mandela…But he had to shut out all the people who said he couldn’t do it too. And like him, I was NEVER NEVER supposed to be able to do this. And I won’t do it if I don’t stick to my vision.