It was a hard-won realization recently that I am a many-talented person.
I thought, well don’t we all have lots of talents?
Sure, to an extent. Something about me is different though. There is a flame in me, a hunger, that wants a lot of things, and wants a lot of things a lot.
I want to write. More than want, I have to.
And I also want to be that guy in mission control. I’ve made a career on it.
These are not the same things at all. I am the things that don’t go together. But they do, in me.
So here I am, the things that don’t go together. Yesterday I came to realize that really really was true.
Not in a defensive way. I’d been carrying these talents and passions like a crayon picture that I was REALLY trying to convince everyone was a fairy.
“See? It’s a fairy! Do you see it? Can’t you see it?”
I had to draw that picture, because inside of me I had to. I had to do it and keep doing it. Because I had to.
Only…I didn’t understand it and I didn’t now why I had to, I didn’t know what this compulsion was or what I was trying to do.
Do you see the fairy? Tell me what it is! It’s a fairy. Isn’t it?
People patted me on the head, sure, honey. Or sometimes they saw it before I told them what it was.
Sometimes they said they didn’t see anything.
And those people who didn’t see anything were the ones I believed the most. They were right. What was I doing?
If a lot of the naysayers happened in a row, I would leave off the drawings. Give up hope.
Only draw the fairies in the dark. Or erase them
drawing in sand
tracing the outlines in the fog on a mirror
the ideas of fairies won’t leave me alone
when the fog lifts from the mirror
the fairy disappears and leaves me
me with who I am
and what I’ve been given
Let there be my child
Reflecting to myself
Let there be me
Divinity wills it so
How dare I fight the will of God?
My voice unifying with the voice of creation
Let it be! Let me be as I am designed!
all other voices fall as the noise
I create what I am created to make
[Those other voices don’t fall as much as I wish. And still I create.]