There was a song on the radio from a couple years ago:

Can we pretend that the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now

Veronica and I had decided to go to dinner just her and me. Daddy wasn’t feeling great, and I was happy to be with her.

She’s getting a lot better at carrying her end of the conversation.

We are a conversational family.

Last month, Chris read to me from the news that it was the 100-year anniversary of communism.

“Yes, I read that! There was an essay in the Wall Street journal, dating the start from the Russian Revolution. Did you see it attributed 65 million deaths to communism?”

“What’s Communism?”

Stop.

Good Question, Veronica.

At this point in history, my daughter can live almost 9 years and not know the answer to that question.

“Remember how I talked about how people need a place to work so they can feed their families and have enough money to buy Christmas presents?”

She nods.

“Well, factories were built to make things and the people come work in the factories and make some money. But the people who built and owned the factories made a lot more money.

The people who worked in the factories started to think that wasn’t fair. And they came up with this idea that they should just take the factory and keep making things inside the factory but they would share all the money that used to go to the people that owned the factory.

Only it didn’t work out they way they hoped.”

She’s looking at me, full of questions.

“We are going to read Animal Farm together.”

Chris wasn’t sure that was a good idea. But Veronica loved it, getting very invested in all the animal characters. As soon as we finished, she wanted to read it again.

That was a month ago. This night I was listening to the radio and that song from my past came on.

Can we pretend that the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now

Veronica wants to know about my life. I want her to know who I am, and that means not treating her like a child.

“Veronica, this song reminds me of a time when I was really sad. It was from a few years ago.”

“What happened, Mommy?”

“It was because I was having a lot of trouble at work.” How do I explain what work politics are like?

“This guy at work who was in charge, even though he wasn’t my boss, had lied to my boss about me. He said that I didn’t tell him where I was going or what I was doing.

So my boss called me and told me that I was being bad.

I was so mad, because it wasn’t true, and I knew I had been telling people where I was going.

So I went outside, and walked around. I was furious, and I didn’t want to lose my temper. One of the people I worked with come out, and asked ‘What’s wrong?’

I told him that I didn’t want to talk about it, but he said he was my friend. He said I could trust him. So I told him what happened, and I didn’t want to be around that guy who had lied because I might punch him in the face.

Well, that friend went upstairs and told the guy what I said.

It wasn’t until the next day, that I realized I had proof that I had been telling people. I wrote a big email to my boss saying that I had been telling people and that this guy had lied, and I didn’t want to talk to him alone again, I would someone to help protect me.”

My daughter’s eyes were very big.

“So at the end of the day I got a call saying I was dangerous and I wasn’t allowed to come to work anymore.”

“What?!”

“Yes. They had to have someone come investigate.”

How do you explain HR to an 8 year old?”

“Kind of like the principal at school. That people said they would find out what really happened and decide if I was allowed to come back to work. She took two weeks to decide, and then when I came back, she said that she had asked everyone and they all agreed that I was the problem and I could only come back to work if I did certain things, and was worthy of returning.”

“Imagine, Veronica. If the principal told you that all the people in your class didn’t like you and agreed that you were the problem.”

Her eyes were turning red. “Did you speak to these people? I mean, how could you talk to them after that?”

This kid.

“Well, I tried to speak to them as little as possible, you can bet.  It hurt my feelings so much that all of them had decided behind my back and without telling me that they thought I was a problem.

But I did everything that lady said I had to do, and I wasn’t about to let them kick me out.”

She gave a fist pump.

“That’s what this song makes me think about. I was very sad. I cried every day, and when I heard this song, it answered the hurt in my heart. I really wanted a wish.

But guess what? That lady? It turned out SHE lied. I was so hurt and scared for 2 years, that I didn’t realize it. Then I started to carefully ask my coworkers: did this woman ever talk to you?

They all said no.

So she lied.”

Jaw open. “How could that be?”

“Remember Napoleon and Squealer? People who want power will lie.”

Big sigh.

“Yep. People will use lies and shame to make you afraid and do what they want.  Say things like ‘you promised.’ and make you feel like you have to believe them. But they are not trustworthy if they use shame.”

Fear and Shame are probably more active in children’s lives than in adults. For me, as a parent, I choose to present who I am to my daughter and let her know that she is not alone in these types of circumstances.

Thank you Orwell, for giving me a beautiful allegory to explain how people lie and manipulate.