I do love to work. Right now, as I write this, I am unemployed. I miss work. I miss having a focus for my energy during the day.
I miss having a reason to talk to people.
Is that silly? I do have a lot of friends. But to be able to talk to co-workers and know basically that they are PAID to talk to me is comforting.
I suppose that says a lot about my insecurity.
But it’s nice to have people that are every day committed to getting the same stuff done that I am trying to do. Even if it wasn’t our idea in the beginning.
So, as I am settling into my look-for-work routine, I find myself in a different frame of mind.
WE FEAR CHANGE.
And people give me very good-intentioned advice:
My idea of fun was to work really hard with a bunch of people who were contractually bound to work with me. I liked that.
Now I have to redefine fun. HMMmmmm.
I usually have fun after I do my work. I will go be with friends to be silly AFTER the work is taken care of.
So how do I have fun when there is no work to append it to?
I tried guys, I really did. And in fact, I spent a few days kicking myself HARD for not being able to relax. Along with not being able to keep a job…and that one time when I let down that one person…and on and on…
Wow. I do not do well with this idea of fun.
So. After spending some time with that unfortunate concept, I’m back to another one.
“This above all: to thine own self be true.”- Shakespeare
Yeah, I like work. I like projects.
As I was listening to a podcast for FUN, I heard a woman express it. She said that goals are a way of expressing our fullest self.
YES! Finally I hear someone that gets it.
For me, I need some projects, some goals that I WORK towards or I feel very yucky.
I know me. I will have to be true to my self. Yes, I will do my best to be FUN-employed at this time.
But I GOTS to have my projects, and my work or I am not being my fullest truest self.
That’s how I’m wired.
I like it. Lists, and projects and milestones.
Even on my time off.
I’m not saying you have to. But don’t tell me I can’t.
I’m not going to listen anyway.