Goal: To be True to Myself

 

I do love to work. Right now, as I write this, I am unemployed. I miss work. I miss having a focus for my energy during the day.

I miss having a reason to talk to people.

Is that silly? I do have a lot of friends. But to be able to talk to co-workers and know basically that they are PAID to talk to me is comforting.

I suppose that says a lot about my insecurity.

But it’s nice to have people that are every day committed to getting the same stuff done that I am trying to do. Even if it wasn’t our idea in the beginning.

So, as I am settling into my look-for-work routine, I find myself in a different frame of mind.

CHANGE.

WE FEAR CHANGE.

And people give me very good-intentioned advice:

“Have fun!”

My idea of fun was to work really hard with a bunch of people who were contractually bound to work with me. I liked that.

Now I have to redefine fun. HMMmmmm.

I usually have fun after I do my work. I will go be with friends to be silly AFTER the work is taken care of.

So how do I have fun when there is no work to append it to?

I tried guys, I really did. And in fact, I spent a few days kicking myself HARD for not being able to relax. Along with not being able to keep a job…and that one time when I let down that one person…and on and on…

Wow. I do not do well with this idea of fun.

So. After spending some time with that unfortunate concept, I’m back to another one.

“This above all: to thine own self be true.”- Shakespeare

Yeah, I like work. I like projects.

GOALS.

As I was listening to a podcast for FUN, I heard a woman express it. She said that goals are a way of expressing our fullest self.

YES! Finally I hear someone that gets it.

For me, I need some projects, some goals that I WORK towards or I feel very yucky.

I know me. I will have to be true to my self. Yes, I will do my best to be FUN-employed at this time.

But I GOTS to have my projects, and my work or I am not being my fullest truest self.

That’s how I’m wired.

I like it. Lists, and projects and milestones.

Even on my time off.

I’m not saying you have to. But don’t tell me I can’t.

I’m not going to listen anyway.