I’ve accomplished somehting recently.
I lost 33 pounds. I lost it, then i gained some back then I lost what I gained plus a little more.
I’ve been working on losing some number of pounds since I was a teenager. Do this day, the smell of chocolate slim fast brings me right back to my first year of community college.
There was a hashtag a while back #yesallwomen
the hashtag was meant to be the response to this conversation “Not all men are horrible”
No, not all men are horrible. But all women have met those horrible men and have to watch out for them
And #yesallwomen can apply to even more.
Yes, all women have had a number in mind for what they want to weigh.
So much energy spent on that number. so many thoughts and recriminations and self-flagellation.
I will tell you, since I have lost my 33 pounds I have noticed more attention from men. More lingering gazes. More hugs.
Reminds me of a time…
I had just had my baby, and i was still nursing. This was not a time when I felt comfortable or beautiful in my body. Post-pregnancy I had a weird shape, with floppy skin on my stomach and piles of extra flesh on my hips.
Yes, making a life and feeding that life with my body was a revelation. But beautiful I was not.
I was stretching to hit presentable.
Right that same time, things were getting weird at my job. I was so happy to be back in my job, with something to occupy my mind and my time. But next thing I knew my boss was being fired.
Wait, what? What did this mean?
And we had a new boss.
Who is this guy? What’s he going to be like? And how ‘Interim” was this?
He worked in a different building, and i had a reason to go over there one day.
This was a day that I felt like I had tried at failed to be presentable.
To be fair, the skirt would have been a comfortable length if my hips weren’t so wide.
Now, it was shorter than I liked. I felt very lopsided and weird.
This too shall pass.
So I went down to the cafeteria and got some lunch.
As I was getting up to finish, I ran into the the boss.
“Hello!” I said.
“hi, how are you?” he responded.
And his eyes did a long peruse of my body.
His head even made a tiny nod, following his eyes.
This was far beyond the usual check-out move. Time stood still.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM? I was NOT a candidate for this sort of glance. I was not at all at my best, and what kind of terrible taste did this person have to check thisl lumpy body out?
and he was my new boss!
I excused myself, and like the classic female I am, I ran to the bathroom.
I blinked at the mirror. My eyes wide in shock. Emotionally, my jaw was dropped, and remained so for the rest of the day.
What had just happened?
He wasn’t my boss for much longer. And he never did the head bob ogle again. For the rest of the time that he was my boss, though, I had to wonder how seriously he took my contributions.
He seemed to. But who knows what lurks in the hearts of men?