The thing that stops us from writing is not a lack of imagination.

What stops us from writing is being interrupted.

That’s what the famous author–whose name I didn’t catch–said in the Facebook ad. It’s true, and it’s probably a very successful ad. I hope they do get a lot of people buying their course on how to write.

I was thinking about that snippet all day today. I was not writing. I knew I needed to. I really wanted to. I had this weekly wonder to write, but also I have a short story I’m working on that it really exciting.

But I really had to clean the house.

Really. It’s seriously filthy. I’ve been sick…still climbing out of that pit. And I haven’t had time to do the basics. I still took a three-hour nap today, and when I woke up I just had to do something about the floor.

And I knew exactly what I was doing. Not writing.

This reminds me of when I was studying in college, and I would feel compelled to clean my house during the last week of the semester–the week when all the papers were due.

My house was so clean that week.

I was interrupting myself.

I really want to finish that short story. It’s been FOREVER since I wrote one; I was beginning to think I didn’t know how.

But I’m excited about it, but I’m still not making time.

I will be so glad when I am over this flu. I want those nap hours for my own use.

And as I mop the floor I accuse myself. Those three hours back so I can squander them on un-creative activity?

Sigh. I’m not myself. Or maybe I am, just a particularly awful version.

I have to trust that I will have the time, find the time, make the time to get to the part I long for.

The floors do look very clean now. Maybe that will help me concentrate.

And maybe tomorrow I will not need to sleep so much.

It takes longer than I want it to, but I’m moving in the right direction. At least I hope so.

Temperance in all things

I hadn’t quite stopped saying happy New Year to everyone yet, but last Friday something else took my attention.

I’ve got the plague. It’s a bad one this year; a lot of people are down. I hope I recover quickly. I’m hearing some people are out for two weeks.

This was NOT the plan for the New Year. Nobody wants to get horribly sick!

As I sit in a fog, I am catching up on TV shows without stress: documentaries. I’ve picked up Ken Burn’s “Prohibition.”

This one is interesting. The drive to outlaw liquor was a cause led by women. Since men were the ones who earned the money, women relied on their fathers and husbands to bring home enough money to pay for food and shelter.

But again and again, men would spend their pay on alcohol and leave the family with nothing.  It was an evil that had to be stopped.

Forces united and a monumental effort was made to have a constitutional amendment.


But it didn’t turn out the way they hoped.

Alcohol became more of a way of life than it had been before. And it even jumped the gender divide–women had been excluded from saloons before but entered freely into speakeasies.

It was increasingly clear that it wasn’t working.

And one big reaction was to double down. They said it’s not working because the police aren’t enforcing it enough! Take it more seriously!

I know there have been times in my life when I clung to a goal, not seeing the harm I was inflicting on myself.

If it’s not working that means I must try harder!

I used to think that way, but I’ve learned to take a step back and tinker. What’s out of line? Is there something I’m missing? There’s likely a better way.

As I sit in my brand new year, with my brand new plans for the year derailed, I think how it could have been different. What if the temperance unions had been a little more temperate in their temperance?

Could we have had a whole different ending?

And I wonder what a different perspective could do for me in my life too. Taking an enforced break from my usual focus because of sickness has its benefits. I wonder.

Darker or Lighter

As a women, I have the freedom to try new things with my look. I decided to try something different with my hair: go darker.

This is a thing that matters very litle in the world, but matter a lot in my world. It’s my head after all.

So made the choice, and bought the dye. Darker this time.

And i waited for the big reveal. It has to dry before the color can really be seen.


I looked into the mirror and it seemed practically black. Then I took a selfie, and the camera showed a much lighter color.

Then I looked in the mirror


then selfie

over the next few days I couldn’t reconcile it. How do cameras see this differently?

Remember that weird picture that can be a beautiful young woman in a hat, or a big nosed old woman with a shawl on her head?

I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see what the camera saw. I began to see the glints of light.

What is the truth? What do my eyes see that others don’t?

There is no doubt my eyes focus on the things I’m most insecure about. But they are probably not as noticable as I fear.

Staring in the mirror to worry about my hair being too dark was not making me happy. And it would seem it’s not even true.

What else is true?

Or, how else can I see the picture that would make me happier? That’s worth trying for. It could be so easy to shift my focus.

2020 what I’ve read

  1. The other americans
  2. be bad first
  3. Fed up
  4. wagner:His life and music
  5. the gift of fear
  6. good omens
  7. Pachinko
  8. the dearly beloved
  9. eloquent rage
  10. Cymbeline
  11. plague of doves
  12. feminist fight club
  13. Burmese days
  14. Invisible women
  15. Coriolanus
  16. getting unstuck
  17. born with teeth
  18. The modern political tradition from Hobbes to habermas
  19. Originals
  20. the inimitable Jeeves
  21. my oh my
  22. tHe art of astrology 
  23. The woman’s hour
  24. The forgotten man
  25. Advanced energy anatomy
  26. barking to the choir
  27. manager hacking 
  28. The path made clear
  29. the last black unicorn
  30. Small victories
  31. There there
  32. unsheltered
  33. Moon is a harsh mistress
  34. the essential Drucker 
  35. 1066
  36. The song of Achilles
  37. The good neighbor
  38. Keep moving
  39. How Great Science Fiction works
  40. Beowulf 
  41. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone
  42. speaking of faith
  43. stiff
  44. grit 
  45. The seven spiritual laws of success
  46. Maybe you should talk to someone
  47. fight back and win
  48. Tom jones
  49. 1984
  50. pillars of the earth
  51. the rise of the novel
  52. Healing trauma
  53. the warrior goddess training program
  54. Men women and worthiness
  55. The seven spiritual laws of success
  56. Do more great work RR
  57. Don quixote 1605
  58. Don Quixote 1615
  59. How to raise Emotionally healthy children
  60. The Art of Posibility RR
  61. The sorrows of Young Werther
  62. extreme ownership
  63. west point woman 
  64. If I never met you
  65. here’s looking at you
  66. The long utopia 
  67. madame bovary  
  68. Russian literature lectures 
  69. Attached 
  70. growth mindset
  71. heres looking at you
  72. the experience economy 
  73. Writers and lovers 
  74. The claw of the conciliator 
  75. The Manchurian candidate 
  76. Daily rituals 
  77. hero with a thousand faces 
  78.  heartland 
  79. the way of the superior man
  80. The good fight 
  81. julia child a life 
  82. The bride test 
  83. the kiss quotient 
  84. the rocket girls 
  85. the Martian 
  86. Feel the fear and do it anyway 
  87. CTS  Exam guide
  88. the 12 week year 
  89. lead like a woman 
  90. the challenger sale 
  91. the moment of lift 
  92. Toxic parents 
  93. jane of austin 
  94. don’t you forget about me 
  95. the last story of Mina Lee 
  96. absalom absalom 
  97. adult children of emotionally immature parents 
  98. Self Esteem 
  99. walden
  100. Howard’s end 
  101. the Dutch house
  102. Moby dick
  103. Men who hate women and the women who love them
  104. the token woman  
  105. untamed tales of horror by Edgar Allen Poe 
  106. alls well That ends well
  107. gaslighting
  108. king John
  109. Henry VIII
  110. China Rich Girlfriend
  111. the crucible 
  112. The adventures of huckleberry Finn 
  113. how to make friends with the dark
  114. sapiens
  115. the queens gambit
  116. The curious incident of the dog in the night-time
  117. Nerve:adventures in the science of fear
  118. chronic pleasure
  119. Deep work
  120. fahrenheit 451
  121. influencer
  122. breath
  123. the red house 
  124. the myth of the nice girl
  125. Heat death of the universe
  126. anthony and cleopatra 
  127. A dance of cloaks
  128. you are the guru
  129. braving the wilderness 
  130. divergent 
  131. confederacy of dunces
  132. hunchback of notre dame
  133. little fire everywhere