The thing that stops us from writing is not a lack of imagination.

What stops us from writing is being interrupted.

That’s what the famous author–whose name I didn’t catch–said in the Facebook ad. It’s true, and it’s probably a very successful ad. I hope they do get a lot of people buying their course on how to write.

I was thinking about that snippet all day today. I was not writing. I knew I needed to. I really wanted to. I had this weekly wonder to write, but also I have a short story I’m working on that it really exciting.

But I really had to clean the house.

Really. It’s seriously filthy. I’ve been sick…still climbing out of that pit. And I haven’t had time to do the basics. I still took a three-hour nap today, and when I woke up I just had to do something about the floor.

And I knew exactly what I was doing. Not writing.

This reminds me of when I was studying in college, and I would feel compelled to clean my house during the last week of the semester–the week when all the papers were due.

My house was so clean that week.

I was interrupting myself.

I really want to finish that short story. It’s been FOREVER since I wrote one; I was beginning to think I didn’t know how.

But I’m excited about it, but I’m still not making time.

I will be so glad when I am over this flu. I want those nap hours for my own use.

And as I mop the floor I accuse myself. Those three hours back so I can squander them on un-creative activity?

Sigh. I’m not myself. Or maybe I am, just a particularly awful version.

I have to trust that I will have the time, find the time, make the time to get to the part I long for.

The floors do look very clean now. Maybe that will help me concentrate.

And maybe tomorrow I will not need to sleep so much.

It takes longer than I want it to, but I’m moving in the right direction. At least I hope so.

I hadn’t quite stopped saying happy New Year to everyone yet, but last Friday something else took my attention.

I’ve got the plague. It’s a bad one this year; a lot of people are down. I hope I recover quickly. I’m hearing some people are out for two weeks.

This was NOT the plan for the New Year. Nobody wants to get horribly sick!

As I sit in a fog, I am catching up on TV shows without stress: documentaries. I’ve picked up Ken Burn’s “Prohibition.”

This one is interesting. The drive to outlaw liquor was a cause led by women. Since men were the ones who earned the money, women relied on their fathers and husbands to bring home enough money to pay for food and shelter.

But again and again, men would spend their pay on alcohol and leave the family with nothing.  It was an evil that had to be stopped.

Forces united and a monumental effort was made to have a constitutional amendment.

NO ALCOHOL

But it didn’t turn out the way they hoped.

Alcohol became more of a way of life than it had been before. And it even jumped the gender divide–women had been excluded from saloons before but entered freely into speakeasies.

It was increasingly clear that it wasn’t working.

And one big reaction was to double down. They said it’s not working because the police aren’t enforcing it enough! Take it more seriously!

I know there have been times in my life when I clung to a goal, not seeing the harm I was inflicting on myself.

If it’s not working that means I must try harder!

I used to think that way, but I’ve learned to take a step back and tinker. What’s out of line? Is there something I’m missing? There’s likely a better way.

As I sit in my brand new year, with my brand new plans for the year derailed, I think how it could have been different. What if the temperance unions had been a little more temperate in their temperance?

Could we have had a whole different ending?

And I wonder what a different perspective could do for me in my life too. Taking an enforced break from my usual focus because of sickness has its benefits. I wonder.

As a women, I have the freedom to try new things with my look. I decided to try something different with my hair: go darker.

This is a thing that matters very litle in the world, but matter a lot in my world. It’s my head after all.

So made the choice, and bought the dye. Darker this time.

And i waited for the big reveal. It has to dry before the color can really be seen.

BUT IT”S SO DARK.

I looked into the mirror and it seemed practically black. Then I took a selfie, and the camera showed a much lighter color.

Then I looked in the mirror

DARK

then selfie

over the next few days I couldn’t reconcile it. How do cameras see this differently?

Remember that weird picture that can be a beautiful young woman in a hat, or a big nosed old woman with a shawl on her head?

I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see what the camera saw. I began to see the glints of light.

What is the truth? What do my eyes see that others don’t?

There is no doubt my eyes focus on the things I’m most insecure about. But they are probably not as noticable as I fear.

Staring in the mirror to worry about my hair being too dark was not making me happy. And it would seem it’s not even true.

What else is true?

Or, how else can I see the picture that would make me happier? That’s worth trying for. It could be so easy to shift my focus.

1. The other americans
2. be bad first
3. Fed up
4. wagner:His life and music
5. the gift of fear
6. good omens
7. Pachinko
8. the dearly beloved
9. eloquent rage
10. Cymbeline
11. plague of doves
12. feminist fight club
13. Burmese days
14. Invisible women
15. Coriolanus
16. getting unstuck
17. born with teeth
18. The modern political tradition from Hobbes to habermas
19. Originals
20. the inimitable Jeeves
21. my oh my
22. tHe art of astrology 
23. The woman’s hour
24. The forgotten man
25. Advanced energy anatomy
26. barking to the choir
27. manager hacking 
28. The path made clear
29. the last black unicorn
30. Small victories
31. There there
32. unsheltered
33. Moon is a harsh mistress
34. the essential Drucker 
35. 1066
36. The song of Achilles
37. The good neighbor
38. Keep moving
39. How Great Science Fiction works
40. Beowulf 
41. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone
42. speaking of faith
43. stiff
44. grit 
45. The seven spiritual laws of success
46. Maybe you should talk to someone
47. fight back and win
48. Tom jones
49. 1984
50. pillars of the earth
51. the rise of the novel
52. Healing trauma
53. the warrior goddess training program
54. Men women and worthiness
55. The seven spiritual laws of success
56. Do more great work RR
57. Don quixote 1605
58. Don Quixote 1615
59. How to raise Emotionally healthy children
60. The Art of Posibility RR
61. The sorrows of Young Werther
62. extreme ownership
63. west point woman 
64. If I never met you
65. here’s looking at you
66. The long utopia 
67. madame bovary  
68. Russian literature lectures 
69. Attached 
70. growth mindset
71. heres looking at you
72. the experience economy 
73. Writers and lovers 
74. The claw of the conciliator 
75. The Manchurian candidate 
76. Daily rituals 
77. hero with a thousand faces 
78.  heartland 
79. the way of the superior man
80. The good fight 
81. julia child a life 
82. The bride test 
83. the kiss quotient 
84. the rocket girls 
85. the Martian 
86. Feel the fear and do it anyway 
87. CTS  Exam guide
88. the 12 week year 
89. lead like a woman 
90. the challenger sale 
91. the moment of lift 
92. Toxic parents 
93. jane of austin 
94. don’t you forget about me 
95. the last story of Mina Lee 
96. absalom absalom 
97. adult children of emotionally immature parents 
98. Self Esteem 
99. walden
100. Howard’s end 
101. the Dutch house
102. Moby dick
103. Men who hate women and the women who love them
104. the token woman  
105. untamed tales of horror by Edgar Allen Poe 
106. alls well That ends well
107. gaslighting
108. king John
109. Henry VIII
110. China Rich Girlfriend
111. the crucible 
112. The adventures of huckleberry Finn 
113. how to make friends with the dark
114. sapiens
115. the queens gambit
116. The curious incident of the dog in the night-time
117. Nerve:adventures in the science of fear
118. chronic pleasure
119. Deep work
120. fahrenheit 451
121. influencer
122. breath
123. the red house 
124. the myth of the nice girl
125. Heat death of the universe
126. anthony and cleopatra 
127. A dance of cloaks
128. you are the guru
129. braving the wilderness 
130. divergent 
131. confederacy of dunces
132. hunchback of notre dame
133. little fire everywhere