Despair papered her bathroom walls with newspaper articles…Despair is overworked and overwhelmed. She has a heart condition…She is not lying or exaggerating…There is no arguing with her. She is persuasive, eloquent and undeniably well informed. If you attempt to change her mind you will come away agreeing with her. She has stopped listening to music.

From The Book of Qualities by J. Ruth Gendler

Last week I did a video on how scared I was to run this meeting at work. These people in the meeting knew the material so much better than I did. It was inevitable that I would prove my ignorance and yet I was supposed to be leading the discussion.

The pressure was crushing me.

And yet.

This is not the first time I had done this kind of thing. To be honest, I’d done much harder. I reminded myself of those times as I tried to unclench my shoulders.

I needed to go forward. Courage come into the moment. Fear did not leave, but courage came as well. This moment had enough room for the trifecta.

Fear, Courage and me.

We were riding this through together. Trying times makes for these uncomfortable partnerships.

I remembered my book with that description of Despair. There is no arguing with despair. Because we are always doomed.

There has been hot and cold running despair. Room service, special delivery despair. And just for you, because you are a faithful customer, a two for one.

Are you despairing enough yet? Next delivery came early, take some more.

I’ve been here before. I know this ditch and the familiar taste of dirt in my mouth.

As I recognized it, my heart smiled. Then I gave a small laugh. I got this.

No more papering my walls with news articles. I shall no longer entertain doom in my soul. I do not acknowledge the premise.

Time to clean my face and remember I have love and joy to share. It’s been there all along.