126 days of Chemo and I’m absolutely stir crazy to do something fun. Me and a 21 year old friend went to see Taylor Swift’s Eras concert movie. I figured I could sit in a chair for a few hours and see a spectacle.

It was incredible. I didn’t start out as a Swifty, but I’m converted. She put on an amazing glamorous, musical and suprisingly intimate show.

She is a very beautiful woman, with so many costume changes and an astounding body of work. It reminded me of Cher’s Believe tour which I also saw…in 1999, the year after Taylor was born

So much glamor, so many beautiful outfits and long blonde hair. I took it in huddling under two jackets shivering from anemia and AC blowing on my nearly naked head.

I felt very far from glamour and too weak to climb the cliff to get closer to it.

I wanted to collapse into a pile of pity. I had become a pile of misfit pieces, scraps half discarded and others pulled out of costume prop factories held together with pins and glue.

The show didn’t let me linger in my pity, because there was a new song or dance move every time I fell into that trap

When I got home and told my husband about it, he said “Taylor Swift isn’t even Taylor Swift.”

Oh yeah. She has costume props too…but with a bigger budget and a staff to help.

I remember when I was learning to put on the eyelashes. It was not easy. I landed that stickey strip on an unnatural angle. I would leave it there because I knew I couldn’t do better in the time I had before my first video meeting of the day.

The camera was forgiving, and I looked good enough. At the end of the day, my off angle lashes would still be haning on, and I’d confess to people I saw in person that I’d been learning to put in the falsies.

They didn’t care that it wasn’t real looking. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t right.

In the end, my friends and associated responded to my smile and welcoming positive attitude.

I’m hard on myself. It could be enough to open up my heart, and sing along to the parts I know. Most people don’t know all the lyrics, but I know I will have a better time if can stay in the spirit of enjoying the show