most of the time when I tell people that I’m from alaska they say “Oh, why did you ever leave?!”<\/p>\n
One man asked me “How come it took you so long to leave?”<\/p>\n
“I couldn’t imagine a way to get out for a long time”<\/p>\n
And that’s the way of it. If you can’t imagine, if you cannot concieve of what the next step is, you don’t take steps.<\/p>\n
I know someone who wants to be a “public speaker.” I will be honest, I think of that as almost impossible. A public speaker? what? How does someone set out to *DO* that?<\/p>\n
Reading over my blog, I see again and again how I am wrestling with how to be an artist. I am sure, so very very sure, that I will never make any money as an artist. So my current plan has been to find a way to fit art into my life in between making money.<\/p>\n
Or maybe becoming independently wealthy.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, I might be going about it the wrong way. As much as I hated my life in Alaska, I couldn’t imagine anything else at the time. I think back now and wonder how come I didn’t climb out the window and hit the road. I suppose it was a long walk to Anchorage.<\/p>\n
But if I knew then what I know NOW, I would have found a way. It was not impossible.<\/p>\n
So back to what I know now NOW, what could I do? How is it I really want to live my life? What am I doing, here? Could I imagine another way of doing and being?<\/p>\n
What if I COULD be a public speaker? What if I COULD sell my art and make money?<\/p>\n
…i wouldn’t need a lot…<\/p>\n
One of the things I have learned to do to protect myself, a defense mechanism from a long time ago, is to arrange my art so that it didn’t take anyone else’s help. If I had to rely on someone else to get this stuff DONE, it wasn’t going to happen.<\/p>\n
And just producing something, just producing a sentence or a melody, that was enough.<\/p>\n
But I’m confident now that I can do sentences. I have ten years of sentences in my past. And that’s just since I started tracking it.<\/p>\n
Now, I want more. I want an audience. I want a bigger audience. I want more than the people who happen to walk by. To be self-referential, I think Miriam needs to get her lute playing off a deserted alley and sell out stadiums.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
most of the time when I tell people that I’m from alaska they say “Oh, why did you ever leave?!” One man asked me “How come it took you so long to leave?” “I couldn’t imagine a way to get … Continue reading