For years I took the bus to work. I haven’t for a long time, but last week I had a reason to take the bus in to work. I had a pass, which I tried to redeem.<\/p>\n
“We haven’t used those kind of cards in a least three years!” the driver told me. “But maybe if you go to the station you can transfer it to the new kind and keep the money that way.”<\/p>\n
See? The bus driver did not know me, but he was helping me out. Even if he hadn’t been friendly-and not all of them are friendly-he was still doing me a favor and taking me where I needed to go.<\/p>\n
I sat down and the good feeling of riding a bus washed over me. I had stopped taking the bus when I was pregnant with Veronica. LONG time ago. But all the times I had ridden it, and all \u00a0the things I had done while riding–I studied for my PM certification on the bus. I met all kinds of fascinating people on the bus. \u00a0I wrote on the bus. I also slept on the bus.<\/p>\n
Oh, the things you can do while going places on a bus.<\/p>\n
It is so relaxing and freeing. Everything is okay when I am sitting on the bus. I am in exactly the place that I need to be, doing what needs to be done on the bus. And I am not doing anything!<\/p>\n
The bus system has it taken care of. That’s what I felt as I rode last week: the system is taking care of me. It is not a personally interested system. Like the bus driver, it doesn’t know me personally. But it doesn’t matter. I’ll get where I need to go.<\/p>\n
I had experienced this soothed feeling of peace in a different circumstance.<\/p>\n
Back when Veronica was a newborn, in dark cold winter, I would naturally have to get up in the middle of the night for long stretches of time. I would get Veronica back to sleep as soon as i could and I would crawl back into bed.<\/p>\n
Me and my head in bed. I was chilled and would need to get warm enough to sleep, but even more than that, I had to quiet my head. My life was unrecognizable: I had a baby and I had to take care of her and I had to keep myself functioning enough to do it.<\/p>\n
I was so tired and so freaked out. I would mentally panic about the fact that I wasn’t falling asleep because I had so little time before I would have to be up again and TIME WAS PRECIOUS AND I WAS WASTING IT BY BEING AWAKE!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n Under the covers, trying to get warm, trying to get calm, and then the heater would kick in.<\/p>\n aahhhhh<\/p>\n The blessed heater.<\/p>\n Our old house had a heater with a fan that was rather noisy. And because it was in the roof, it resonated in the bones of the house with a medium hum<\/p>\n I know this. I know it so well. The thermostat would do a little kick to some metal, and then a little fan would start and then the heater would make the whole house hum. And when the house would hum, I could fall asleep.<\/p>\n Somehow, with the heat running and the house humming, I could trust that everything would be okay. I would be warm and I would be safe.\u00a0I got to where I would LONG for the heater to kick and let me sleep.<\/p>\n It soothed me and relaxed me. It was a machine, it didn’t care about me, but it was taking care of me. The system was on my side, and it didn’t matter that it wasn’t personal.<\/p>\n It has been a long time since I rode the bus. I’d love to find a way to do it regularly again. So much has happened since I used to. I have had a lot of reasons to doubt the system. Different systems betrayed me and did not get me where I wanted to go.<\/p>\n But there are systems that are helpful. My mother would call it God’s grace, and that’s a good word for it. I have other friends who can’t deal with the word “god” and would call it the Universe is working for us.<\/p>\n Either way.<\/p>\n There are a lot of systems in place. And truly , most of them are beneficial and don’t require freaking out and striving.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For years I took the bus to work. I haven’t for a long time, but last week I had a reason to take the bus in to work. I had a pass, which I tried to redeem. “We haven’t used … Continue reading