So I have found some overused themes in my life.<\/p>\n
There are ways I react to things and hang on to things that i don’t want to do anymore.<\/p>\n
I want to do it different.<\/p>\n
There are times, and i’d been living through a LOT of times where the difficult things, the things that would make me react didn’t come from me.<\/p>\n
There were, shall we say, circumstances. And I had REASONS to have these reactions.<\/p>\n
I would think about the reasons, and again and again I would have the painful reaction.<\/p>\n
How am I supposed to get dry and warm when I am on a beach, it’s raining, and the tide is coming in?<\/p>\n
wave after wave<\/p>\n
And yet. I knew that if I thought about it differently, even if the waves didn’t stop, it would be better.<\/p>\n
If only I could get dry, I could have the wherewithal to rethink the story<\/p>\n
To quote a favorite song:<\/p>\n
You’re never gonna quit it if you dont stop smoking it<\/p>\n
I tried to quit it. And it really began to pour. I wasn’t hit by waves, I was IN the waves.<\/p>\n
But I found the story. I found the big story about me, and I started to tell me.<\/p>\n
the water receded. As I kept practicing the story of me, the waves stopped<\/p>\n
There are still memories though.<\/p>\n
To take it out of metaphor land, there are people that I have to learn to live with. To learn to live with the memory of what happened.<\/p>\n
It really happened. I have a REASON to feel the way I feel.<\/p>\n
I don’t like the reason, but it the past can’t be done over.<\/p>\n
..or can it? What if I pan the camera to the right?<\/p>\n
How could I retell the past to myself that lets it be okay?<\/p>\n
I have a lot of editing to do<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I have found some overused themes in my life. There are ways I react to things and hang on to things that i don’t want to do anymore. I want to do it different. There are times, and i’d … Continue reading