It was a hard-won realization recently that I am a many-talented person.<\/p>\n
I thought, well don’t we all have lots of talents?<\/p>\n
Sure, to an extent. Something about me is different though. There is a flame in me, a hunger, that wants a lot of things, and wants a lot of things a lot.<\/p>\n
I want to write. More than want, I have to.<\/p>\n
And I also want to be that guy in mission control. I’ve made a career on it.<\/p>\n
These are not the same things at all. I am the things that don’t go together. But they do, in me.<\/p>\n
So here I am, the things that don’t go together. Yesterday I came to realize that really really was true.<\/p>\n
Not in a defensive way. I’d been carrying these talents and passions like a crayon picture that I was REALLY trying to convince everyone was a fairy.<\/p>\n
“See? It’s a fairy! Do you see it? Can’t you see it?”<\/p>\n
I had to draw that picture, because inside of me I had to. I had to do it and keep doing it. Because I had to.<\/p>\n
Only…I didn’t understand it and I didn’t now why I had to, I didn’t know what this compulsion was or what I was trying to do.<\/p>\n
Do you see the fairy? Tell me what it is! It’s a fairy. Isn’t it?<\/p>\n
People patted me on the head, sure, honey. Or sometimes they saw it before I told them what it was.<\/p>\n
Sometimes they said they didn’t see anything.<\/p>\n
And those people who didn’t see anything were the ones I believed the most. They were right. What was I doing?<\/p>\n
If a lot of the naysayers happened in a row, I would leave off the drawings. Give up hope.<\/p>\n
Only draw the fairies in the dark. Or erase them<\/p>\n
drawing in sand<\/p>\n
tracing the outlines in the fog on a mirror<\/p>\n
the ideas of fairies won’t leave me alone<\/p>\n
when the fog lifts from the mirror<\/p>\n
the fairy disappears and leaves me<\/p>\n
me with who I am<\/p>\n
and what I’ve been given<\/p>\n
God spoke<\/p>\n
Let there be my child<\/p>\n
Reflecting to myself<\/p>\n
Let there be me<\/p>\n
Let me!<\/p>\n
Divinity wills it so<\/p>\n
How dare I fight the will of God?<\/p>\n
My heart<\/p>\n
My expression<\/p>\n
My voice unifying with the voice of creation<\/p>\n
Let it be! Let me be as I am designed!<\/p>\n
all other voices fall as the noise<\/p>\n
I know<\/p>\n
I create what I am created to make<\/p>\n
[Those other voices don’t fall as much as I wish. And still I create.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It was a hard-won realization recently that I am a many-talented person. I thought, well don’t we all have lots of talents? Sure, to an extent. Something about me is different though. There is a flame in me, a hunger, … Continue reading