So my daughter started school this year and she loves math. She’ll tell anybody.<\/p>\n
Mostly people say “Good for her! Math is important for girls.”<\/p>\n
And I cringe a little. There is a huge SHOULD in this. There is a historic should coming from the cold war era, that America needs mathematicians to have primacy on the global arena. There is a more recent should, that females should be encouraged in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) so that gender imbalances and misogyny can be diminished.<\/p>\n
She’s only in kindergarten. I want her to like what she likes. I wonder how she interprets these well-intentioned responses to her love of math.<\/p>\n
She’s doing well in school, but I’m a little worried about how they are teaching reading. It doesn’t make sense to her or me. She reads fine for her age, but I want her to feel confident about what she’s doing when she reads.<\/p>\n
I love her teacher, she’s great. But teachers don’t know everything. And I think my daughter needs more than what she’s getting.<\/p>\n
I remember struggling with certain parts of reading. I remember so well. I remember a lot of things, and other things I forget.<\/p>\n
I have had this box of old notebooks I needed to sort through. Some of the things in the notebooks were worth keeping, and some were not. Time to render down the pile.<\/p>\n
I always keep notebooks. I write down grocery lists and phone numbers. I also write out my big projects plans. And poems and journal entries. I wanted to keep the big stuff.<\/p>\n
And of course it brings me back to the times when those things were happening. I found letters I’d written but never sent to Chris when we were first dating. Oh! The agony of fresh love.<\/p>\n
I was younger, for sure. I hesitate to say I was young. 27 years old and seen a bit of life.<\/p>\n
I kept running across this idea in what I was writing to Chris, “I want you to hear my ideas and tell me what they mean.”<\/p>\n
I was so sure that there was meaning. I didn’t know the meaning and I was looking outside myself for the answer. I was very confident that most people–well, the smart people that I liked and respected–would know more than I did, and could crack the puzzle box of my mind.<\/p>\n
As a child I had heard so often that I should listen to my betters, and I had learned it. When I grew up I still clung to this idea that someone else knew better than I did and could explain it to me.<\/p>\n
Waving my hand high, “Teacher! Teacher! I have a question.”<\/p>\n
It is a nice dream to think that the answer to all my questions was so close by. That someone with the answer book was right there to help me.<\/p>\n
So, when I first met Chris I put him on that pedestal. I wanted him to be the one with all the answers. Bless him; he didn’t take advantage of my insecurity. He was patient, and never pushed me into what I didn’t want<\/p>\n
Our relationship has come past that immature expectation I had. Looking back at my old notebooks I see it now and realize I have changed.<\/p>\n
And still, I have not changed that much. I can see a lot of ways that I still give away my authority to know.<\/p>\n
It was only a couple of years ago that a teacher told me “All your empowerment comes from inside of you.”<\/p>\n
When I heard it, it gonged my bones and I knew it was true. I still had to work hard to find a way to practice it. I’m still working on it. I have a feeling that I am going to want someone else to tell me the answer my whole life.<\/p>\n
I also know that when it comes down to it, I am the one who has to figure it out. Especially when it is a question of something original- a new idea or a work of art. I’m the only one who can tell if it’s right because I’m the only one who thought of it.<\/p>\n
Life doesn’t have letter grades. It is only attendance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So my daughter started school this year and she loves math. She’ll tell anybody. Mostly people say “Good for her! Math is important for girls.” And I cringe a little. There is a huge SHOULD in this. There is a … Continue reading