Next week comes Christmas. It\u2019s a big deal where I live. We set aside this time to appreciate and delight each other.<\/p>\n
Somehow, my attention is focused on all the other things that need to be DONE. FINE, I\u2019ll give you a list of presents I would like to receive. Oh NO, I need to create a list of presents my daughter wants. Look at the calendar! I am SO BEHIND.<\/p>\n
All this for the Christmas morning. The morning of preparation and delight and surprising each other and being surprised.<\/p>\n
I caught myself thinking that kids have the best of it. That I have to lose sleep and work to remember all the things.<\/p>\n
Last weekend I found myself crawling away from things every chance I got, burying myself in a new book.<\/p>\n
It was a really good book.<\/p>\n
And I would read as far as I could, then pop up when I had to (usually a bit late) and rush to do the next MANDATORY thing.<\/p>\n
By Sunday night I felt impossibly behind and resentful. Kids have the best of Christmas I thought. I\u2019d heard this sentiment before. I sat down to eat dinner, since I\u2019d barely eaten all day. Of all the innumerable things I had NOT done and still had to do, how was I going to finish my weekend?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I could have wrapped myself in my book again. I had stayed up too late the night before because it was so fascinating. It didn\u2019t feel good anymore. I regretted the loss of sleep.<\/p>\n
What did I WANT to do?<\/p>\n
I ended up putting my headphones on, and closing my door to be alone. Me. Alone. I would wrap presents.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Such a small thing, to ask myself what I wanted. Isn\u2019t that what Christmas is supposed to be about? Wishing? Wanting?<\/p>\n
I had told myself that wanting was for other people, and that I didn\u2019t have time to ask myself what I wanted.<\/p>\n
I decompressed, and felt really good about wrapping all the presents I had already bought my family. I DID want this Christmas to be a certain way, and I had made most of it happen already.<\/p>\n
It was also ok for me to want things for me. Delight and surprise. I surprised myself to discover I just wanted to get something ordinary things done, uninterrupted. It felt good.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I am willing to give thought to what else I might want. Maybe next year I\u2019ll go get them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Next week comes Christmas. It\u2019s a big deal where I live. We set aside this time to appreciate and delight each other. Somehow, my attention is focused on all the other things that need to be DONE. FINE, I\u2019ll give … Continue reading