An old friend came to visit this weekend. He was in town for his college reunion. Our town has a lot of college altogether. But my husband went to school with this guy, so their friendship predated the college experience.<\/p>\n
The friend has little daughters. We have a little daughter too, so the first night we talked a bit the Tao of daughters.<\/p>\n
They are different from us. They have interests and disinterests. He spoke of facilitating activities that piqued his daughters\u2019 interest, even if it was inconvenient. He was relieved the older one\u2019s interest in soccer had dropped off just prior to the manic commitment\u20145 am wakeup calls for all day tournaments in the hot sun\u2014required of families kicked in.<\/p>\n
I shared that our daughter was basically happy all the time\u2014<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll have to put a stop to that!\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed. \u201cShe is happy, but she doesn\u2019t seem to have anything to really feel ambition about. There is a joy is discovering something that really challenges your abilities. First grade is pretty boring\u2014memorizing things by rote. It\u2019s not inspiring.\u201d<\/p>\n
But I remembered she did have something she had aspired to. She loves the monkey bars. She can climb up and reach them, and she practiced until she grew callouses. Then she practiced so much that the callouses fell off, and grew back.<\/p>\n
She has been dedicated to her abilities on the monkey bars.<\/p>\n
I think she needs to find a mental challenge that would give her the same determination and challenge as those monkey bars.
\nWait for it. You know where I\u2019m going with this.<\/p>\n
Yes, FLOW.
\n\u201calso known as the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does\u201d
\nThat vista, that scope, the tool that when you pick it up you know to your bones that THIS IS THE WHAT. The what that you can do, maybe the what you were born to do.
\nI believe there is often more than one what. And how fabulous! Let\u2019s go find all the whats that we can, whether it be rocket science, bongo drums or monkey bars.
\nGo read about Richard Feynman if you don\u2019t\u2019 believe me. There are a lot of things to delight us in this world.
\nBut I wasn\u2019t done with this friend. We\u2019d stayed up late catching up, but I still had things I needed to know. I accosted him at the breakfast table.
\n\u201cSo. You went to college, undergrad and grad school in the best schools in America. That\u2019s why you\u2019re here, for the reunion. I want to know\u2014what did college do for you? Can you tell me the benefit?\u201d
\nBecause I didn\u2019t go to college like that. I took night classes, and I took forever. I still wonder. What did I miss out on? Did I miss out?
\nOf course, this is anecdotal. One guy, one experience. My psychology PhD friends would scoff. Still. Statistics leave me cold. What is really the value of these college campuses?<\/p>\n
Our friend described a high collaborative experience, where diverse and ambitious students were guided by genial professors to stretch their abilities further than they knew they could.<\/p>\n
\u201cGranted, this environment was hard to join. I was with a self-selected set of high achievers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut don\u2019t you think a job could provide that kind of challenge? Working together on projects?\u201d<\/p>\n
He was skeptical. Because a boss wouldn\u2019t give you the time to try and explore.
\nAlso, in my experience a job cannot craft the perfect challenge for skills like a professor can.<\/p>\n
Like I\u2019m trying to do for my daughter. I am older, I have more experience, and I love her. I want her to have those stretching experiences of exhilaration. Do professors at the right sort of schools make that happen too?<\/p>\n
The price tag on colleges of those sorts are a quarter million now. But I don\u2019t know, maybe that\u2019s the front of the store price tag and there is always a bargain at the back.<\/p>\n
But that experience is very valuable. Having a right-sized challenge is priceless. Maybe it IS worth it. Maybe it\u2019s worth mortgaging your future to achieve it.<\/p>\n
Then of course, I have to wonder. Why is it restricted to the young? Is \u201cflow\u201d a young person\u2019s game? Grad school, the NBA, the Olympics, this is not for people above the age of 40.<\/p>\n
I can hope that things are changing. That opportunities for excellence and exhilaration are more self-directed than they used to be.<\/p>\n
I refuse to succumb to a life of quiet desperation. It\u2019s easy to have a quasi-omnicient role in my daughter\u2019s life.<\/p>\n
It might be more possible than I have been realizing to provide myself with the sorts of experiences I want to have.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An old friend came to visit this weekend. He was in town for his college reunion. Our town has a lot of college altogether. But my husband went to school with this guy, so their friendship predated the college experience. … Continue reading