I had a job, and I had it for a while. I was given a van to use. It was my job to drive this van around and take care of the situations at these far locations.<\/p>\n
I drove that van for more 10,000 miles before it dawned on me that I might want to set the radio presets where I wanted.<\/p>\n
I heard someone talking about how they loved the hymn \u201cThis is my father\u2019s world.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s a good one. And I\u2019m not really into hymns, but that\u2019s a good one.<\/p>\n
My reaction when I heard her say how she loved it was \u201cIt\u2019s not my father\u2019s world. It\u2019s MINE.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remembered the van. That only I drove. And how I didn\u2019t feel like I had the rights to it.<\/p>\n
If this is my father\u2019s world, I have SOME rights to it. But I better not mess it up. I better not mess up.<\/p>\n
My daughter broke one of my teacups when I was moving their case. She didn\u2019t mean to.
\nIt was precious to me, and when it broke I had to be careful not to be angry at her. She burst into tears.<\/p>\n
Much later, when required to write an essay for mother\u2019s day, she wrote that she knew I loved her more than a very beautiful cup.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s tenuous. She know there are things she should do and things she should not do.<\/p>\n
Because it\u2019s my house.<\/p>\n
Once it a while, she gets to be in HER space. In her world.<\/p>\n
On my vacation I was able to lay down other people\u2019s expectations of me. I got to inhabit my own life more fully. I was very busy, and often tired, because I required of myself that I march (and make my daughter march) through the volcano basins, and see the sights.<\/p>\n
I liked the freedom. I liked the space of pleasing myself.<\/p>\n
I wondered about the difference\u2014the difference between my regular life and vacation.<\/p>\n
I have heard that I should follow my bliss. That the desires encoded in my heart are God\u2019s message.<\/p>\n
That I have permission. It is baked into my existence.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t have to squeeze myself into a tiny space to leave room for other people.<\/p>\n
This is my world. All nature sings to my listening ears.<\/p>\n
I am going to go stretch my legs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had a job, and I had it for a while. I was given a van to use. It was my job to drive this van around and take care of the situations at these far locations. I drove that … Continue reading