{"id":4268,"date":"2017-03-01T12:16:45","date_gmt":"2017-03-01T19:16:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/?p=4268"},"modified":"2017-02-26T21:20:26","modified_gmt":"2017-02-27T04:20:26","slug":"open-fields","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/2017\/03\/open-fields\/","title":{"rendered":"Open fields"},"content":{"rendered":"

At that moment, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. As a sheltered girl, I married at age 21 and I divorced him at age 26.<\/span><\/p>\n

Every single thing in my life pointed toward me not divorcing. Everyday I pictured myself climbing a sheer cliff by myself, hanging on with my fingernails, wind howling and me desperate to get to safety.<\/span><\/p>\n

I did get past it.<\/span><\/p>\n

As real as that picture of myself clinging to the side of a cliff, a new picture emerged. I had crested the sheer rock cliff. I was on a flat grassy plain.<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember lying flat on the grass too exhausted to move, grateful as big as the world that I made it. That I didn’t have to strive for the moment. I could rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

As the weeks went by, I rolled over and looked up for a path.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was an obstacle-free swatch of green inviting grass. I didn’t have to go anywhere. I didn’t have to be anywhere.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a return-to-Eden feeling of peace, possibility and rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

My life began to enter time again. Slowly. It took a while.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while I was recovering, I reveled in the freedom to choose anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I began to choose goals. To have things I held up as requirements. And after time I got really attached to those definitions of security and success.<\/span><\/p>\n

The mists of time have fogged my memory. I am not sure that time remains the hardest thing I’ve done. A lot of life has happened since.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I’ve been thinking about that grassy swath at the top of the cliff. How I didn’t have to choose anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

And whatever I did choose would be the right choice.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m coming up with a new idea. That it doesn’t really matter which I choose–in any choice or specialty in my life. The critical factor is to choose a thing and stick with it until it’s complete or it’s clear it is not what I want anymore. In the years that followed, I found myself clinging to sheer cliffs again. And it’s often because I was convinced that no other choice was possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

And<\/span><\/p>\n

The grassy swatch could maybe have been achieved faster in those times if I had stopped clinging to a choice like it was my only hope.<\/span><\/p>\n

In retrospect, the peaceful place was more about limitless choice than almost any other characteristic.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I’m looking for the one and only super specific answer or key, that door is going to stay locked<\/span><\/p>\n

But if I turn around,<\/span><\/p>\n

Look at the open field,<\/span><\/p>\n

I can see I have all the options.<\/span><\/p>\n

I like to keep my options open.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At that moment, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. As a sheltered girl, I married at age 21 and I divorced him at age 26. Every single thing in my life pointed toward me not divorcing. Everyday I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4268","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4268","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4268"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4268\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4272,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4268\/revisions\/4272"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4268"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4268"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4268"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}