It’s been a crazy couple of years.<\/p>\n
New year’s day is approaching and it makes me look back. Last year at this time I was signing the 5th job offer in 2 and a half years. 6 jobs in 3 years were far more than I had planned for.<\/p>\n
Which meant that I had gone into a lot of new work places and had to figure out the lay of the land. And all of them were new kinds of jobs I’d never done before.<\/p>\n
The first of the five was especially tough. I remember after the few months sitting in a meeting (nearly identical to a dozen previous meetings) and being terrified that I didn’t know what I was doing.<\/p>\n
I was pretty sure that I would fail publicly and spectacularly.<\/p>\n
Heart pounding, empty minded terrified.<\/p>\n
So in those meetings, when the same words and arguments were being said, I was on fire. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t see a way to the job done. And I didn’t see a way to get support from my boss.<\/p>\n
Since nothing was happening in the meeting, I flipped my notebook to the back page and started making new notes:<\/p>\n
I approve of myself. I deeply and completely love myself.<\/p>\n
This was the antidote to the terror.<\/p>\n
A slow antidote to be sure. But I was convinced that everyone at my new job thought I was a failure. I was totally ready to agree with them.<\/p>\n
Even before they said it.<\/p>\n
That sense of failure was like an eclipse over productive thought. How could I possibly get any thoughtful work done with this terror taking up all the brain cycles?<\/p>\n
So even stuff that I knew I could do, I couldn’t seem to get started on because I was so overwhelmed.<\/p>\n
Until I found that antidote. Loosen the python and declare that no matter what happened I had my own back. I didn’t believe it at first, that I approved of myself. I filled paged with that sentence before it sank in a bit.<\/p>\n
What amazed me was that once I loosened the stranglehold that this terror had on me, I could do my job better. I could think again, and had a better chance of succeeding.
\nThere is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy. It wasn’t until I changed the script that I could start a different story.<\/p>\n
The script before had been that I was an imposter and a failure. The new script was that I was a worthwhile human being. It was a step up from failure, not a big jump but one that I could believe in.<\/p>\n
And changing the story let the sun in. Once I found something more positive to say to myself, I could see where I could make some progress.<\/p>\n
Like I said, it’s been a crazy last few years. And as I look forward to what’s ahead, I am remembering what I learned then. Choosing my story is a really good thing to remember.<\/p>\n
I want to pick a good one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s been a crazy couple of years. New year’s day is approaching and it makes me look back. Last year at this time I was signing the 5th job offer in 2 and a half years. 6 jobs in 3 … Continue reading