I know I have made plans to cry from time to time.<\/p>\n
When I knew the audience I was working with, and I had a goal in mind, I would plan to let the tears go.<\/p>\n
To be fair, I have definitely cried when I didn\u2019t\u2019 want to, and had to excuse myself to return to the topic– when I have lost my composure and most certainly was not behaving with intention.<\/p>\n
Emotions are not under my control. Unless they are. And then I can use them. Like, when I knew it would help to cry. And I could work up the tears to get what I needed out of the situation.<\/p>\n
But one thing I haven\u2019t learned how to do is yell with intention. If I yell, it\u2019s a loss of control. I probably feel like I\u2019m in control, but those might be the same times when I think I\u2019m not yelling.<\/p>\n
My daughter has a fine-tuned sense of when I am yelling. And it is not always associated with an increase in volume.<\/p>\n
But really, when I get yelled at by someone else<\/p>\n
a friend<\/p>\n
my husband<\/p>\n
a boss<\/p>\n
Volume isn’t the biggest factor.<\/p>\n
It’s the emotional content.<\/p>\n
Crying is emotional too. No doubt. As I think about it, however, crying in front of someone is only about myself. It’s admitting that I feel something. It’s an exposure of something inward. If I cry, it’s being vulnerable and exhibiting something about me.<\/p>\n
The emotional content of yelling is a push. It is expressing a judgment of someone else. Judgments are sharp things.<\/p>\n
I suppose done properly, voicing a judgment that lifts up rather than puts down is a force for good.<\/p>\n
Come on! Don’t give up, you can do it!<\/p>\n
If you push just a little harder you will achieve it<\/p>\n
That might be called cheering rather than yelling.<\/p>\n
But judgements most often don’t work that way. And yelling is for the most part a hurtful expression. It most often happens inside my own head too.<\/p>\n
I yell at myself so often it doesn’t even require words anymore. And it’s not very helpful.<\/p>\n
We were discussing this at my diet support group. We encourage one another to persist, and to keep going in our path to good healthy choices.<\/p>\n
The leader said, “I’ve been doing this for more than ten years. I’ve never heard anyone say they hated themself to success.”<\/p>\n
Hmm. That leads me back to the question that started this essay. When would it make sense to yell with intention?<\/p>\n
or to restate<\/p>\n
When would it be useful to cut someone with a judgmental statement?<\/p>\n
When I say it like that, the answer is unequivocally never.<\/p>\n
But to cheer someone on, to state things baldly and with positivity, I would like to do a lot more of that on purpose.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I know I have made plans to cry from time to time. When I knew the audience I was working with, and I had a goal in mind, I would plan to let the tears go. To be fair, I … Continue reading