\u201cWhen people show you who they are, believe them.\u201d
– Maya Angelou
Since I got fired almost two weeks ago, I\u2019ve been taking stock. This is familiar and painful territory. I have a strong urge to talk it through with friends. I am really missing one friend in particular, another professional woman my age that understood what it was like in the office.
I loved talking with her. In my mind, she got it. It was helpful to have a solid mutual understanding of what it was like in these kind of career moments.
It hurts to get fired\u2014to get the chair pulled out from me as I was pouring my heart and soul into the job.
NO, YOU ARE NOT AT ALL WHAT IS WANTED.
I\u2019m not? But can\u2019t you see how I\u2019ve been making everything come together? Can\u2019t you tell how I\u2019m doing exactly what is needed?
YOU MUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK.
Ouch. I set the phaser of my face to \u201cprofessional\u201d and try to appear stone cold as I wrap up whatever last things must be done. Fill the box, hand over the hardware.
It turns out this job was not what I wanted either, categorically. Because they didn\u2019t want my best. And I only do my best. They\u2014this one and all the others which fired me before\u2014were not what I thought and hoped they were.
I saw the signs. I knew this was coming. I hoped that I could blast though and prove how valuable I was.
I can fix it! Just give me a chance!
It turn out it doesn\u2019t work that way.
I wish I could talk to my friend about it. We used to call every week. Well, almost every week. I would text to try to make a time to talk every week. Sometimes she would answer back. Sometimes she wouldn\u2019t. I forgave her, she was busy. And a couple weeks passed without talking.
Until one day she stopped communicating altogether.
What?
I tried connecting again.
Like a punch to the gut, it became clear my role to was to pack up whatever remnants I had left in this relationship up and leave in a dignified way. The door is locked.
Just like after getting fired I can look back and see the things I chose to overlook. I have blind spots\u2014things I disregard on purpose. I want things to work. I want these positions\u2014relationships\u2014to be different from what they are.
People are complicated; situations have many facets. But a few things are always true:
–\tI don\u2019t know everything
–\tEverything is not about me
When it comes to a cooperation, or a collaboration, between people it takes both sides. I can\u2019t do all of the work for both sides. It takes agreement. In that two-way signal, interruptions can come into either path.
It\u2019s not just about me, and I won\u2019t know what is about me and what isn\u2019t. In the world of ignorance, my best hope it to dust off and keep moving past it. Wondering what I might have done differently is of limited use.
These different people told me who they are. I\u2019d best believe them and get on to the next thing.
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\u201cWhen people show you who they are, believe them.\u201d – Maya Angelou Since I got fired almost two weeks ago, I\u2019ve been taking stock. This is familiar and painful territory. I have a strong urge to talk it through with … Continue reading