{"id":6234,"date":"2023-04-19T13:38:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-19T20:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/?p=6234"},"modified":"2023-04-09T13:38:35","modified_gmt":"2023-04-09T20:38:35","slug":"waiting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/2023\/04\/waiting\/","title":{"rendered":"waiting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>I&nbsp;don&#8217;t want to be in a battle<\/strong><strong>. But waiting on the edge of one I can&#8217;t escape is<\/strong> even worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Pippin (from the movie Lord of the Rings _The Return of the King_<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s easter Sunday and I\u2019m writing this before I\u2019ll need it. I don\u2019t know what will happen after the 14<sup>th<\/sup>. This is scheduled to send on April 19<sup>th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know what will happen ON April 14<sup>th<\/sup>. I will have a surgery that removed my right breast and all it\u2019s tissue. In January I had a routine mammogram and cancer was discovered. On February first a surgeon doctor talked with me and said they\u2019d need to remove the whole thing to remove all the cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s a lot to contend with. Just the word CANCER shook me. And that was just the start. How should I feel about this news?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As it happened, I had to feel a lot of ways before deciding what I wanted to feel. That was the end I was trying to achieve. How could I hold this reality in my sight and be okay with it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Breast cancer is a very feminine thing. I responded in a very female way: How is everybody doing? How are my family? Are all the people in my circle ok?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I knew I wasn\u2019t ok, but I also knew it would take time to get to ok. As a woman I couldn\u2019t neglect all the people I had responsibilities towards. Still had to feed the cat and water my plants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My feels and perspective passed through a lot of shades and hues before I arrived at my current d\u00e9tente.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How appropriate that Easter lands right before my surgery. The triumph of the resurrection is a wonderful template for my experience. I will go under and come up anew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m keeping my eyes on that. Although I walked around contending with death for the first few weeks after the news, I have come to see (thank you medical team and friends!) that I will recover and get moving along my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Right now, this moment I am worried about what happens after the surgery. How will I feel? How much will it hurt and how long? What will be different after this change to my body? What will be the same?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Will I still be myself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Part of who I am and who I want to continue to be in the world is a woman who writes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I can\u2019t know how I\u2019ll feel after the surgery. But I can prepare for the things I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know I will want to write about my life and experience as I have done for so long. I want to share what\u2019s going on for me and give post-surgery me a little help by queueing up this post. My plan is to give a little (as must as is appropriate) update after so you can all come along with me through this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>UPDATE:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&nbsp;don&#8217;t want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can&#8217;t escape is even worse. Pippin (from the movie Lord of the Rings _The Return of the King_ It\u2019s easter Sunday and I\u2019m writing this &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/2023\/04\/waiting\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6234","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6234","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6234"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6234\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6235,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6234\/revisions\/6235"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6234"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6234"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6234"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}