As a young mother, 14 years ago, I felt nailed down. This child, this new life, was priority one. I had to make sure she slept and ate. If she did, then I could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All my stuff, all the things I wanted to do was second place at best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried to leave the house. I remember Saturday at 5:30 AM trips to mcDonald\u2019s playland frantic to leave my house and be around humans. I had my book in progress and all my side notebooks, working to keep ahold of myself in the wasteland.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When she started kindergarten, some people said \u201cThe time goes by so fast!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not for me. I felt every moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is me. I feel the moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And when the oncologist gave me treatment plan, 5 months of chemo to be followed by another batch of radiation\u2014the rest of the year at least!\u2014all the moments strung together like an impossible cliff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How could I do it? I had to find a way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is not the sickness that I fear the most. Although that is bad enough. The isolation and the lack of productivity is the worst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I remember the notebooks spread out at Playland. The notes, the drafts, the road I travelled and what I learned how to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those were hard repetitive days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I recall, I need to keep a lot of notebooks at the ready. I had to make the time, make the habit, to string the words together. It doesn\u2019t happen without effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still found a way to be creative and be myself. I will do it again. I will do it still.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As a young mother, 14 years ago, I felt nailed down. This child, this new life, was priority one. I had to make sure she slept and ate. If she did, then I could. All my stuff, all the things … Continue reading