Early on I heard the advice: \u201cDon\u2019t let the cancer become your identity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the time I thought, How ridiculous! I have a million things that I regard as more important and interesting that this silly disease. Why would I make it my identity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some identities are thrust upon me. I did not choose this, but I have to carry it. And it\u2019s an immersive experience. It seems every part of my body and mind, as well as major parts of my schedule are consumed with grappling with this hated disease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a long army crawl to get to the other parts of my identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is there enough left to cover the scraps of my denuded self? What dignity can I scrape together in this time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Writing is a big part of my identity. Writing and sharing it. The sharing gives the writing a different quality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought of two different things to write and then hated both of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I realized I could be honest. How I hate writing about this cancer AGAIN. But that I am deep in it and can only describe the many many trees in I am encountering. I know it\u2019s a forest<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I keep hearing it\u2019s a forest. And I believe I will get to the end of this forest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have to see a lot of trees before I get there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Other parts\u2014the WAYYY more interesting parts\u2014of my identity are on mute. They are there and I\u2019d love to let then roar forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I\u2019ll find a way. Or maybe I have to get through more of the forest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I cannot give in to frustration or resentment. I have to far to go. Maybe This is a new part of my identity that I\u2019m growing into. Not as \u201ccancer victim\u201d or even the more palatable \u201ccancer survivor.\u201d But as the person who can go through a long fight. This is my campaign\u2026my battle line. That\u2019s the identity I\u2019m putting on. A way will be found, and I will find it. It will take time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Early on I heard the advice: \u201cDon\u2019t let the cancer become your identity.\u201d At the time I thought, How ridiculous! I have a million things that I regard as more important and interesting that this silly disease. Why would I … Continue reading