All the chemotherapy\u2014medical poisoning\u2014has come to an end. Radiation is done this week, and although my skin is red and needs to recover I\u2019m looking forward to getting into life without doctor visits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a good thing because life is coming at me with demands for my attention. I\u2019m nervous. My mind is clearing up enough to be able to imagine what could go wrong. What if I can\u2019t do it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Will I be able to go out in the world again? Can I handle it? My impulse in this change is fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I don\u2019t want to stay hidden. I want to go out into the wide world of adventures again. But I\u2019m scared!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are a chorus of voices who tell me to watch out. Take it easy! This was serious. I should act like it. They are loud and nearly constant, like a tinnitus hum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t want to hear it. I definitely don\u2019t want to give it attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What I want it to go out and have adventures and do exciting things. How am I supposed to get past those voices and the scared I feel?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do feel scared. And those voices are not silent. I can\u2019t get past them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What am I to do? I am hungry for experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My adventures will have to include the fear. Scared can come on the ride with me. And those voices that say I shouldn\u2019t or can\u2019t will be in the back seat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are some things to be afraid of, for sure. Those voices want me to consider every possible threat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once I start off though, I\u2019m feeling like it is not so threatening. If I can start the fear is quieter.\u00a0\u00a0It doesn\u2019t go away. I\u2019ll have to make room for it because I\u2019m going places. This new year is the phoenix\u2019s rebirth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
All the chemotherapy\u2014medical poisoning\u2014has come to an end. Radiation is done this week, and although my skin is red and needs to recover I\u2019m looking forward to getting into life without doctor visits. It\u2019s a good thing because life is … Continue reading