The cancer fight has left me victorious. I went into something like a fugue state. Yes, I did other things. But my priorities were extremely focused. I had a battle that sapped my strength, but it was important enough to be the top precedence in any situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then it was officially over. Nothing but checkups and a few prescriptions. Let the battle stay won!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After battles, it is well known that soldiers have trouble returning to civilian life. That\u2019s where I\u2019m at. I have been used to a situation in which life and death were part of every choice. The simplest things like food water and rest had to be fought for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is easy. Mostly. Is this how it used to be? Do I remember how it used to be? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The nights of insomnia wishing the die-ease would end. Misty fantasies of strength and endurance\u2014dreams of long strides of thoughtless grace and competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was I kidding myself? Was I every really capable and strong?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More importantly, will I every be so in the future?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I aspire to ordinary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Flashback<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a homeschooled teenager in Alaska, I had no one to compare myself to. Was I keeping up? Was I behind where I should be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was I at least ordinary? Then and now I was hoping I would be better than ordinary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The song comes back to me, still popping up on the radio\u2014the radio no longer forbidden to me now that I\u2019m grown\u2014Duran Duran on their comeback hit Ordinary World<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n What has happened to it all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Crazy, some’d say<\/p>\n\n\n\n Where is the life that I recognise?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gone away<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I won’t cry for yesterday<\/p>\n\n\n\n There’s an ordinary world<\/p>\n\n\n\n Somehow I have to find<\/p>\n\n\n\n And as I try to make my way<\/p>\n\n\n\n To the ordinary world<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will learn to survive<\/p>\n\n\n\n For months the song has haunted me with it\u2019s lyrics. I made my choices with the dream of the ordinary world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The cancer fight has left me victorious. I went into something like a fugue state. Yes, I did other things. But my priorities were extremely focused. I had a battle that sapped my strength, but it was important enough to … Continue reading