Last year at this time I was counting the days until I could get off Chemo, wanting to have more energy and be past feeling sick and tired all the time<\/p>\n\n\n\n
November 2023, I had my thyroidectomy surgery<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was last year<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Right now I\u2019m counting the days until I finish the black belt test. so that my muscles don\u2019t have to be sore and all the time. It\u2019s a different kind of sick and tired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Three days after I test for my black belt I am scheduled for a second thyroid surgery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is a pattern here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I shake my head at myself. There is always something. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After all, what did I expect? A broad grassy meadow of sunlight and gentle breezes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m chasing after adventure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shakespeare said<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cancer and surgeries seem to be thrust upon me. The Black belt training is something I\u2019m working to achieve. I am taking the skills I was born with to try to achieve greatness<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would have picked a different adventure than cancer if I\u2019d had the choice. Since I didn\u2019t, I will hope to do something great with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The martial arts make me think about life differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So has cancer and chemo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After I left the meeting with the oncologist\u2014the one where she told me it would be 5 months of chemotherapy\u2014I broke down in sobbed. My husband held me as I gasped out that I felt trapped in my own body, in a prison with no chance to escape and taste life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it was not as bad as I imagined, even though it was tough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I look at it, preparing for the black belt testing is a lighter lift. I could say that the black belt testing is the life I was hoping to get to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since I am healthier and stronger (e.g. black belt achievement) I am hopeful I will recover faster from the 2024 surgery that I did from the one last year. That one wasn\u2019t so bad even. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not a repeat. It\u2019s a familiar pattern. I\u2019d like to see over the horizon to a new pattern, with next year being different.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last year at this time I was counting the days until I could get off Chemo, wanting to have more energy and be past feeling sick and tired all the time November 2023, I had my thyroidectomy surgery That was … Continue reading