{"id":6720,"date":"2025-03-10T20:37:33","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T03:37:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/?p=6720"},"modified":"2025-03-10T20:37:34","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T03:37:34","slug":"gaps-in-my-fate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/2025\/03\/gaps-in-my-fate\/","title":{"rendered":"gaps in my fate"},"content":{"rendered":"I am finishing a physical book this week, The Witch\u2019s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec. I\u2019m crawling through the last bit of treatments, and I\u2019m trying to read physical books like a person with stamina and strength.<br \/>I don\u2019t have much strength, but I will have the stamina to get through these treatments.<br \/>The witch heroine of the book is the mythological norse witch that foresaw ragnarok, drawing the painful attention of Odin. <br \/>Ragnarok, the twilight of the gods and the end of the nine worlds\u2014she saw it and Odin desperately wanted what she knew.<br \/>Odin wanted to control it. And the witch knew fates were not to be bargained with. What would they have done differently.<br \/>I am in the twilight of the last cancer treatment, the 2nd dose of treatment for my thyroid cancer. Because I KNOW I am near done I have the room to contemplate. In the storm of the next hard thing and the next I allowed myself no room for what-if or if-only<br \/>My ragnarok. That diagnosis and all that came after was fated, right?Odin tortured that witch future seer to find out and control it. The witch also tried to wiggle through the uncertainties<br \/>The gaps in fate<br \/>To  save what she loved most<br \/><br \/>I look around, thinking what other paths were not taken. What if I had made the inevitable choice, but earlier? Would I have avoided pain?<br \/><br \/>With the extreme treatments and surgeries ending on March 28, I feel like I am walking out of a crowded fate and into freedom<br \/><br \/>Odin, king of the gods of Asgard, was jealous to get as much of that freedom as he could. HE lost an eye for it.<br \/><br \/>Like a memory of a distant sound, I can hear a time when I called that kind of freedom \u201cTuesday\u201d<br \/><br \/>It was that ordinary.<br \/><br \/>What will I do now, without being squeezed between medical tortures? How long will I remember to cherish how good ordinary feels? <br \/><br \/>I don\u2019t want to squander it.<br \/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am finishing a physical book this week, The Witch\u2019s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec. I\u2019m crawling through the last bit of treatments, and I\u2019m trying to read physical books like a person with stamina and strength.I don\u2019t have much strength, &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/2025\/03\/gaps-in-my-fate\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6720","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6720"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6720\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6721,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6720\/revisions\/6721"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6720"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6720"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/writtenbymurphy.com\/wonderblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6720"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}