This has happened to me before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A lot of good things happened this last week that I could write about. One big event was going to the black belt test and cheering on my classmates to perservere in the test like I did last year. I had a lot of feelings while that was happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was a year ago. And then it was this exact date December 10th that I had my 2nd<\/sup> thyroid surgery. I remember shaking with nerves before the black belt test.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I remember being dizzy before the surgery. I wasn\u2019t allowed to eat, so I was weak. That whole process lasted longer than I wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But that was a long time ago. A whole year ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But after watching the test from the bleachers, I could see how intense it was. Split from the memory of my experience and seeing it from the outside, I remembered how hard all the things that came after.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chris and I once climbed Mt Whitney, the tallest peak in California. There is a part on the trail called the ninety-Nine switchbacks. There are in the middle. Climb up, but there are still miles to go to get to the peak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Miles to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Later, I could look back and see the path I traveled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Watching my teammates last Saturday, I admired them. I foggily realized I could admire myself too. My fight had continued after I left the mat. I still had to keep my courage to face the knife in surgery twice more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It until a year later that I had the clearing to look back and see what I\u2019d traveled. I couldn\u2019t stop along the way. There were miles to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the mat, seconds had to be managed as I defneded against attacks. Hours and days had to be managed after surgeries, taking attention to ensure they passed successfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many days have passed since then. The fight has gone out of them. I\u2019m left with a quiet victory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like that saying<\/p>\n\n\n\n IF a tree falls and no one hears, did it really fall?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I bore witness to myself. I remember. My classmates remember too. I have to choose what comes next, in this quiet victory. That\u2019s a big part of what I fought for, to have time to choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This has happened to me before. A lot of good things happened this last week that I could write about. One big event was going to the black belt test and cheering on my classmates to perservere in the test … Continue reading
Some others bore witness to the stuff that came after. Even though it feels like a dream, all this really happened. I feel like I should be over it, but on this year anniversary of the surgery I am remembered how scared I was at the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n