In front of thousands of people, Charlie Kirk was shot in the neck and murdered a week ago. I and many others are so impacted by this assassination and the death that happened in front of everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His goal in his life was to ask questions and get to the answers through discussion. Some people, most significantly the man who shot him, didn\u2019t like his conclusions. I find myself returning again and again to the act and the fact of his murder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t want to write about it. But I can\u2019t write about anything else. I tried hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What can I say? What do I have to add?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I remembered: I have my story. Literally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It took me 12 years to write The Russian American School of Tomorrow.<\/em> The climax of a story that builds its layers is not meant to be shared out of context. But as I grieve what has happened in the world and the assassination of Charlie Kirk, I remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What led me back to life from despair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Age 18, I was lost and in hopeless pain after the culty church of my youth had used me up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Life circumstances meant I still had to attend church, but I had carved out a space of freedom in my mind. I vowed I would not listen or value anything a church preacher of leader said because I\u2019d never heard a true thing from a preacher. The condition was, If I heard something true I would try listening. This starts after that condition was finally met:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Something true had come out of a preacher\u2019s mouth\u2026One preacher, once. Like a gold prospector seeing color in the stream, I was aflame for more\u2026Where could I find it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There were still those devotional books mom said were different\u2026 There might be one true thing. For even one truth, it would be worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was scared and as excited as a rock concert\u2026the truth I was looking for was not something I should be talked into recognizing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Could he really answer the questions? I read on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He talked about Heidegger, Kant, and Nietzsche\u2014named I\u2019d never heard before. This guy knew questions…<\/p>\n\n\n\n He took the questions seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He said they deserved an answer. More than deserved, they required an answer<\/p>\n\n\n\n He affirmed the answer should be honest, with integrity and compassion\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n I needed to tear down the building<\/p>\n\n\n\n Answer the questions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n With honesty, integrity and compassion?<\/p>\n\n\n\n NO<\/p>\n\n\n\n ONE<\/p>\n\n\n\n EVER<\/p>\n\n\n\n DID<\/p>\n\n\n\n THAT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n NEVER<\/p>\n\n\n\n NOT EVER.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [They] told me the questions I should have and the answers I should expect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I quickly realized the futility of writing them down. There were never any good answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here was this guy writing a book back in the 70s, telling people that they should address questions. Those questions should be respected. Where had he been all my life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n This man said it; he explained it in a way I could trust. \u201cLook at the way the world works. Think about it. It is consistent. This is God showing Himself to us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Think?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thinking will lead me to God?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nobody said to think. The message was: Stop thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Except this guy said God answered questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I ate the book like a lit match eats gasoline.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I got to keep my questions. They were God\u2019s gift to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anything I could think of, if truth were true, would stand up to investigation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If God was who he said he was, he would be able to handle it. The most intense investigation and questions I could imagine were fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I could finally live in the world and trust it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ###<\/p>\n\n\n\n Truth is true, and questions will lead us to it. There is a cost, and we have seen. I won\u2019t ever stop making room for the next question to find a higher way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n RIP Charlie Kirk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In front of thousands of people, Charlie Kirk was shot in the neck and murdered a week ago. I and many others are so impacted by this assassination and the death that happened in front of everyone. His goal in … Continue reading