I thought I had to be something I wasn\u2019t. See, I wanted to perform and play music with other people. I watched these cool guitar players\u2014I even made friends with them!\u2014on stage at the restaurants. That is what I wanted. They sang and played all these gorgeous songs with their amps as they thumped on the guitar body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t play guitar. I had an awkward keyboard, big and clumsy to carry around to play with others. It was an impossible dream to make music and get a better set of songs. I was not that cool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been waiting two and a half years to be set free. It burned to feel locked out after all that. I set my jaw and looked for a way around this wall. If I couldn\u2019t move my instrument, what could I do where it stood?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even if no one came with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gave myself a challenge: record and post 100 different songs. Could I play and sing that many? If I posted them on the internet, I could get the joy of performing in a small way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m impatient. And stubborn. If I didn\u2019t make an effort, 100 songs could take years. I started with easy ones and didn\u2019t try to be perfect. I figured I could do my best effort and the goal was to rack up numbers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two things happened:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My piano playing got better. Giving myself a goal was very motivating, and I was excited to keep practice and record songs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I posted 9 songs before I shared one with my husband. He tilted his head. \u201cYour voice sounds different.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought it was just because I was practicing the piano part more than the singing part. I wasn\u2019t picking songs that were hard to sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He played a recording of me singing from 3 years ago. He was right. I sounded weak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hadn\u2019t realized that my throat surgeries had impacted my singing voice. I had been focusing on strength and range of motion in my right arm after the reconstruction. That was obvious and painful, and I\u2019d already made strides in moving my arm. It barely hurt anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d made so much progress on the obvious thing, that I\u2019d moved on to what I thought was extra, just a garnish.
Singing and playing songs was for when the big stuff was under control. I\u2019d been longing to pick it up and do it again. Which I had begun to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s how I discovered my voice was strangled with the surgery scar tissue. It didn\u2019t affect how I talked. I hadn\u2019t realized what I had lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like wakening to a near collision, I was shocked and horrified that my voice was so affected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like I said I\u2019d already been working on breaking up scar tissue. Was I doomed to lose my singing voice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One thing I\u2019ve learned, a little exercise to loosen scars can restore my abilities. And the sooner the better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It shouldn\u2019t surprise me that I had scar tissue from my surgeries. I\u2019m so grateful that I discovered it sooner than later so I could smooth it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could have sat back and just WISHED I had a place to play and sing. By making the opportunity for myself, I did more than I expected. I made time for a thing that was non-essential and gave myself a gift for my whole life<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I thought I had to be something I wasn\u2019t. See, I wanted to perform and play music with other people. I watched these cool guitar players\u2014I even made friends with them!\u2014on stage at the restaurants. That is what I wanted. … Continue reading