Just before Valentines\u2019 day, I went through my fourth surgery because of cancer. It was a success (much better than the last one). These doctors are almost done with these cancer cures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These medical doctor\/scientists are very sure that they know how far to push me. I hopw they are right, but I\u2019m weary of the load they are putting on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve found an audiobooks to listen to as I fall in and out of sleep: Caliban\u2019s War<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n The sci-fi in the story gives me some science to hang onto as a part of the story. There\u2019s a botanist in the story that is part of terraforming a moon. They had done such a good job of it that it fed most of non-earth humankind<\/p>\n\n\n\n UNTIL<\/p>\n\n\n\n Disaster struck. And humanity had to be saved. Of course, humanity was not at all concerned about the danger it was in because it was too focused on the political power struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The botanist could see the problem clearly, because he understood the systems at play. He knew where the tipping was and what the consequences were. He called it a complex simple system. There were a limited number of systems that balanced the biosphere on that moon, not enough to be fully redundant\u2014that made it simple. But there were enough systems that meant you couldn\u2019t predict which ones would fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am not a simple system. I\u201dve got so many interconnected systems that I\u2019m pretty sure there isn\u2019t even a full tally on what\u2019s happening in my body. So many systems are in motion to keep me alive and healthy, I stand amazed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That complexity in my system is what the doctors are leaning on when they cut me open and mess around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am both weary and weak from the medical interventions. I like imagining myself like the heroes of the space epic. I\u2019ve read it a lot, and every time they make it through. I know what\u2019s going to happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So when I wake up in the middle of the night\u2014which happens most nights\u2014I can play the audiobook and fall back asleep hearing the adventure again. The heroes encounter all kinds of obstacles and they make it through<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s what will happen for me too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Just before Valentines\u2019 day, I went through my fourth surgery because of cancer. It was a success (much better than the last one). These doctors are almost done with these cancer cures. These medical doctor\/scientists are very sure that they … Continue reading