I\u2019ve said it before, unemployment is like being marooned on a desert island. The days are long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve taken to lighting candles so I can see evidence of time passing by the candle wax level lowering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When my daughter was a newborn, time passed slowly too. I began counting each feeding as its own day\u2014making each 24 hour day with a feeding every three hours equivalent to 8 days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Staring into the unfocussed eyes of my newborn, I looked for a sign that I was a person. Yes, I was sleep deprived, injured and post-partum insane. And I was sure I didn\u2019t matter at all to this new baby. Any person\u2014even a machine–could have done what I was doing. These were not difficult or personalized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She couldn\u2019t tell who I was. I was not significant or distinctive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I say that, I know it is not true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You, my reader, recognize the absurdity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course you matter!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As mother of a newborn then<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and now as a long and even longer suffering jobseeker, I am ensnared by this favorite folly<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This conviction that no one notices me, that my best hope is to be ignored so that I can keep my seat at the table. As long as I don\u2019t draw attention I won\u2019t be asked to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A month or so in I was playing with her and talking to my tiny baby, she smiled<\/p>\n\n\n\n
AT ME<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first time I felt connected to her. I was recognized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Achilles had his heel; I have my weak spot that throbs. I\u2019ve learned many people have a wound like this, that I return to again and again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last week, after my most recent job rejection, I attended an expo. Feeling isolated, insignificant and worse, I found a friend and scraped together a set elevator speech as I prepared to ask for a job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d been working on a book for my industry, The AV Project Manager Handbook. I brought a pre- publication proof as a conversation starter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the event, I met person after person that I\u2019d known for years. Seemed that I personally knew half the attendees at the event. Then the people who I didn\u2019t know yet saw my book and were thrilled to meet me and learn about this useful book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d fallen for my old trap, believing that I\u2019m nothing.
I may not have a job or a position YET, but it\u2019s coming. Things take time to grow. That\u2019s a certain text.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not proud to say I\u2019ve felt this way, but telling the story of my shame let\u2019s a little sunlight in. And if anyone else sees their own folly as I share mine, perhaps we both can lift ourselves inot the light.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve said it before, unemployment is like being marooned on a desert island. The days are long. I\u2019ve taken to lighting candles so I can see evidence of time passing by the candle wax level lowering. When my daughter was … Continue reading