I finally decided to join a gym.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been a while, and I hate to spend the money on something I could theoretically do at home.<\/p>\n
But I was getting tired of the same exercise video at home, and I thought about it. If I go to the gym near work, I will shave about 30-45 minutes of drive time in the morning\u2026What if I took that time and used it to exercise instead of drive? That would be worthwhile!<\/p>\n
So, I found a club right near my job. I joined, and was taken in my the sales pitch. They had a SALE on personal training sessions. How serious was I about my fitness goals, really? A personal trainer would take me to the next level.<\/p>\n
Wow! The next level! Give me a scoop of that.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until I got home that I realized I hate people telling me what to do. I can\u2019t stand exercise classes, because who are these idiots telling me to \u201cBreathe!\u201d and \u201cKick higher!\u201d?<\/p>\n
Leave me alone. I\u2019ll be just fine on my elliptical trainer and the weight machines.<\/p>\n
I snuck into the gym alone a few times before making an appointment for the personal training sessions. Sneaky, aren\u2019t I? I fooled myself good.<\/p>\n
But the inevitable could not be delayed. I could not let these sessions go unredeemed. This was money, after all!<\/p>\n
The appointment was made, and the next morning was the day of judgement. Immediately, I regretted tying myself down like that. Who was this personal trainer anyway? \u201cGreg\u201d\u2014his name tells me nothing.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s probably an idiot. I\u2019m going to ask him important questions about health and workout strategies and he will look at me with no comprehension and no answer.<\/p>\n
He is probably a nineteen year old community college dropout who will try to sell me Myoplex powder. He will probably be short and have no sense of humor.<\/p>\n
He will be stupid. He will come up to me, and will do the \u2018orientation\u2019, which involves a caliper to test my body fat.<\/p>\n
This is what the internet tells me about calipers, also known as the \u2018pinch test\u2019: they are only a good way to measure body fat when handled by someone who knows what they are doing.<\/p>\n
So, some gel-spiked short bicep-heavy teenager is going to shoddily pinch my fat at 6:30 am, and he won\u2019t even get my incisive quips. He will try to sell me something so lame it doesnt’ even have an informercial.<\/p>\n
AND I HAVE PAID FOR THIS PRIVILEGE.<\/p>\n
How did I sign up to have a homo half-a-sapien pinch my fat before dawn? What does that say about me, really?<\/p>\n
Maybe I can get out of it. Perhaps I can put a sharp little comment out there, and if he is as idiotic as I fear I will simply bow out of the fat pinching. I\u2019ll just go straight to the weights and ask for a new trainer. A girl. Aren\u2019t chicks smarter in general?<\/p>\n
No, all gym rats are stupid. There is no way around it. This is a lost cause and I am fool for being suckered in.<\/p>\n
This situation I have gotten myself into is simply a bad deal all around. I must only endure it.<\/p>\n
The alarm rang early. I drove to the gym and was there early, too. I admit I was nervous.<\/p>\n
I said as much to Greg. He nodded seriously, and talked about what would be happening that day.<\/p>\n
Greg was not a teenager. Greg was tall. Greg actually had a lot of experience, and was good with the questions. The fat pinching was handled with professionalism, and I feel reassured.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll see how it goes, but things were not as bad as I feared.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I finally decided to join a gym. It\u2019s been a while, and I hate to spend the money on something I could theoretically do at home. But I was getting tired of the same exercise video at home, and I … Continue reading