There’s a show that I have never seen, but they had a catch phrase that entered common speech
“Just the facts, ma’am.” It was a police show, and the detective was trying to figure out a crime.
Right now in my life, I am thinking about and facing things that are new. And I don’t know what will happen.
I want to be sure of what choices I make. So I’m trying to get information and decide what to do next, what’s the most important.
What I really want to a guarantee. I want to be sure that what I choose will be worthwhile, and that it won’t waste my time or money.
I want an after-the-facts. I want to go forward in time and experience what happens when I make one choice. Then I want to rewind time and try it again with the other choice.
And THEN rewind time and make the choice I really want.
An after-the-fact choice.
A really great book talks about this The Unbearable Lightness of Being
“There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?”
It’s a true thing, this time that we live in. We are bound by the track we are riding. Just forward.
In the book, the hero goes forward and makes a choice.
I have to do the same, and I’d prefer to do it boldly. I just am so concerned that it might not be the RIGHT choice.
I started re-reading The Up Side of Down: Why Failing Well is the Key to Success by Megan Mcardle
I can see that my fear of failing is a big part of what makes me scared.
I don’t want to do it wrong. And that fear of the cost of making a choice freezes me. This book is helping me see that I’m not alone.
Somehow that helps. That it is really common, and that I am not uniquely afraid of these things.
If it’s common, it seems more surmountable. If tons of people have this problem, then I can find a way to get over it too.
Or even if I don’t banish it, I can live with it while still making the brave choices I want to make.