Never Again

My dog has fleas. Well, not anymore.

To be precise, *I* have fleas. Not my dog, not my family, no.

All me. I am the most delicious person any insect has ever met, and no insect can resist me.

So when my dog got fleas, and gave them to the cat, and I had bites on my ankles, the cat and the dog got flea treatment and they are fine.

But the fleas keep biting me.

I with I could wear a flea collar. This is embarrassing. I have a whole ring around my ankle of swollen itchy bites.

So I tried some things. I vacuumed, washed all bedding. It seemed to work for a day.

Then I found some herbal flea treatment, and sprayed the couch and the cat with it.

That didn’t seem to work at all.

Ok, it was time for some serious flea poison. Me and the internet spent some time together. I needed what the pros used.

So I found it. I had to order it through the mail. I was SO HAPPY when it arrived. I sprayed it all over the couch, and washed all the bedding (AGAIN).

I went to bed that night thinking, “Last night was my last itchy flea bite. Never again.”

I’ve had “never again” times before.

I’ve told myself

I’m never going to be treated that way again.
I’m never going to make this or that mistake again.

I’ve heard other people say
I’m never going to drink that much again.
I will never smoke another cigarette

Never again is hard to enforce.

In concept, if the “never again” is in my control then it should be easy, right? I’ll just never do it again.

But my weakness is far more reliable than my determination. The best I can hope for is that I will never give up trying for the thing I aspire to.

Then again if the “never again” thing is in the hands of someone else, I have no control over what someone else does. I can’t control how someone else treats me. The only possibility of a never-again that involves someone else is the nuclear option:

Total quarantine. Never be in the presence of that person again.

That’s appropriate in a small number of cases. For the rest of the time, I have to compromise with my never-again vow. I would have to commit to ‘never again will I let that go without comment’ or ‘never again will I react as I have in that circumstance.’

The ‘never again’ feels very powerful when I first say it.

But in my case, but it happened again. I woke again with VERY itchy bites.

Life is not like the movies. There are no jump cuts.

I had to go back, get educated and try again, with a more comprehensive and realistic plan.

I had to get real about what this was really going to take. Never again always means a couple more times.

I’ll get there. But there will be more scratching along the way.

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