Welcome to the Jungle

I started college as soon as I finished high school. I thought I’d have a head start and get done early, right?

It took me a long time to finish. Stuff. Supporting myself, and family stuff.

But I loved school so much. I love college and I wanted to keep going. Years went by when I couldn’t take any classes.

It was a long deferred hope. And it was a cherished cherished cherished goal.

Until one year, circumstances aligned and I could go FULL TIME for a whole semester. Then that glorious moment when I realized if I went ONE MORE full time semester I could actually graduate.

That one year was the only time I had spend a full school year in college. All the night classes finally added up and I could spend a full year.

What a year! Studying and reading and carrying fat books. These teachers shared their knowledge with me, and I looked at the requirements in the handbook. I checked them all off and I GOT MY DEGREE.

The worst part about getting my bachelors’ degree? Being done.

I loved sitting in classes and learning new things!

What was I supposed to do now?

Seriously. I’d had this nurtured hope for so many years. Once I’d accomplished it I didn’t really know what to do.

I felt like I’d been travelling a paved road. It was steep, sure. But I always knew exactly where it was and how to travel it.

Once they handed me my diploma, the road ended.

It was the jungle, baby.

Now if I had somewhere I wanted to go, I had to break out a machete and cut a trail.

That’s a different thing altogether.

It’s very nice to have the trail already laid out. All the milestones and detours specified.

It’s beautiful.
But going on my own? That’s a mess.

I’m not likely to get there directly.

And it’s an unanswered question of where “there” even is.

I’m finding it’s changing a lot.

Lately, I think it’s even more important to pay attention to what I am looking for in this path.

There are still other people in the jungle, and they will come alongside and pull me onto their path.

I can get swept into their orbit, and be influenced by their idea of where we are supposed to go.

Yet, in the end, I am the one who knows where I am aiming for. Other people can’t tell me what I want.

It’s better if I listen to where I want to go. I’m the only one who knows that.

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