Brittle

I bought a calendar for 2021. But I haven’t put it out yet. I have to say, I’m cautious about what this new year will hold.

I love making plans, but 2020 wadded up my plans and made me try again.

A surprise gift at the end of the year was taking up martial arts. The sensei asked us if we had the calendar for the new schedule starting January.

While we were all stretching, he admitted that the calendar he had created at the beginning of 2020 had to be changed pretty quickly. But that is no reason to leave the calendar empty.

I will miss every shot I don’t take. And I don’t want to give up.

My new age-y friends would say to set intentions. That’s plans with a lighter touch. I can plan to get a good nights’ sleep, but get derailed with family and pets. But my intention remains intact for me to try again the next night. It might be kinder to intend and see where it goes.

Plans are brittle, but intentions are resilient.

I do want things. Very much. I have ideas about what I can, should and will do. Often those come with expectations about how long it will take to get done and what it will look like when it’s finished.

Those plans can be very heavy to carry. Sometimes I disappoint myself when it doesn’t happen like I hoped.

Rather than lose energy carrying the plans AND the corresponding disappointment, I’m going to try for intentions.

That leaves room for surprises. Like I said, I was surprised by starting martial arts this fall. I almost didn’t start because I didn’t think I’d have the time for it. But after I came to terms with the fact that I had lots of time because I didn’t’ have a job YET, I realized I could enjoy my time now and learn something new.

I intend to find a job as soon as I can. But I want to stay flexible. I intend to put up the ’21 calendar this week.

I’m going to go slow, but I will fill up 2021 with good intentions. It will be marvelous to see what happens.

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