I’m a person who has landed in unfamiliar and dangerous territory. It feel like a sci fi novel, landing on a hostile plane with unknown dangers and environment.

I’ve been used to my body for my whole life, and I have a sense of what I can do and what I can expect.

No more. Experiencing chemotherapy means my body is the dangerous territory. And thisis a long journey so I don’t know how things will change, but I’m pretty sure they will.

A podcast today told me a psychologist truism, that progress towards goals are the source of positive emotions, like hope and enthusiasm. That is exactly what I’m looking for.

Enthusiasm is harder to reach. I’m working to set myself up to make progress.

Progress is also harder to reach.

Not impossible though. Just like an alien planet, I feel like I leapt and skipped so far to get here, and now I’m down to inches.

I’m going to have to apprecieate those inches.

That’s where I’m going to get the hope from. Did I move at all? That counts. Many people don’t.

I will.

I shall remember what I’m able to do, and do those things. I’ve been hopeless before, sometimes.

I don’t have to be now.

It takes effort, will, and determination.

And I will have to take care of myself in all the other ways. Eating and sleeping are harder than they were.

Well, progress there counts too.

I’m not going to lie to myself with toxic positivity, but I desperately want to have some lights of hope in this time.

And even enthusiasm.

I’ll have to keep the faith and do the work to give those to myself.

I am making progress. And I can rejoice.