When I was pregnant, it was hard to move fast or raise my feet up as I walked down the hallways at work. My body was hard at work making a new person. It felt like gravity was a lot stronger around me.
Now I am feeling gravity more as I fight through this medically administered poison called chemotherapy. My body is very busy coping with all its processes.
Very few of these are what I want to think about. I’m struggling through this dense gravity to find my focus and keep my attention where I want it to go.
The world is still going, and I have stuff I want to keep up with. I’ve got a job, a family and every stuff I want to complete. I have to put some effort into keeping my attention where I want it to go.
IT’s easy when I am tired and not feeling well to do the stupid things. The easy distraction: food, silly internet games or videos.
And If I am willing to spend this life on small insignificant things, I will get insignificant rewards
I am not satisfied with insignificance.
So, I have to use the times when I can focus to come up with a plan and set of steps I can take when I gravity is dragging me.
Yes, I’m less capable than I’ve been. But I’m still capable.
I’ve got two more months of chemo. I don’t want to lose that time. My old friend the to do list can help.
It’s not so demanding this time. Not a HAVE to do list, but more of an aspirational TRY to do list.
With tiny steps. 15 minutes on each thing is a decent goal. I’ll have to let that be enough.
I’m still under here, beneath the gravity. Inching forward like a worm on the surface of my big ideals.
It’s the movement that counts. It can be enough.