I was taught about Fight or Flight. In college I learned about tend and befriend,

It’s what women do

I had a strong experience with this. There had been a new manager in my department at work. She worked in a different town but I’d had a friendly email conversation with her and we had agreed that the next time she was in my town we could meet.  A few months later she sent me an invite, and I assumed that was what it was for.

I had to reschedule it for later in the afternoon, because I had a meeting elsewhere that morning. So I found the conference room she had reserved for us and as we sat down, I  said I was happy we could finally meet.

“Thank you for coming. I scheduled this meeting to tell you that this is your last day workin for us.”

Oh. I was being fired. And she had been firing people all day.

I was still in the frame of mind that i wanted to be friends. I saw here, understood that she was doing something hard, firing people all day. And I asked her how she was doing.

I understood that was was happening was something I should fight, or try to stop. But I had no way to do that, and I leaned into the befriend instinct.

It felt more natural to check in on others than to make sure I was ok.

Me and my daughter began studying martial arts nearby. The sensei showed me a new way to think about myself—if violence is brought to me, I should do what it takes to end it.

If I could run away (flight) that is a good choice. If I could stop the violence by attacking (fight), I should be able to be effective and decisive.

I had never thought about my body being strong and capable in that way. Since I have been practicing, I have became strong and skilled.  Women have fight or flight instincts too, but me and many other women have been trained to repress them.

March 8^th is international women’s day, had you heard? Women all over the world are trained to smile, befriend others while being gentle. Me and my daughter are training to use shouts and strength to defend ourselves and others from violence. It’s pretty late in my life to realize I don’t always have to be nice. I am glad my daughter is hearing that she has the right to fight for herself, and is practicing how to do it.  Strength helps, but it takes less strength than I would have thought. Mostly it takes a belief that we are allowed to fight for ourselves.

When I was fired those years ago, I couldn’t fight her to keep job. Punching wouldn’t have helped.

It took me several months after that to find my next job. I nearly gave up looking, feeling sure I had no value to give to the world at that time.

I barely had the fire to fight for what I wanted.

But at the last minute, a hopeless job application that I almost didn’t turn in got me a job. And I found some hope, and I kept going. I found the strength and faith to fight for myself, and the job I wanted.

Women are so much stronger than we think we are.  We will tend others, and befriend new people. And we can fight for everyone.

That is the woman that I am, and the one I am raising my daughter to be.

Congratulate to you for International Woman’s day.