I’ve lived in my house now for a while, and driven the same route to my job for a number of years. I could take the freeway, swing north on another freeway, and then turn west to get on the freeway that will take me the rest of the way. Or I could take surface streets to get the to the one freeway and stay on it.
Freeways are faster than surface streets, so for a long time, I took the three freeways. As long as there were no backups on the freeways, it was faster.
Then. Then the freeway overlords and regulators put in a “one car per green” light on the last merge. The last freeway change slowed to a crawl. I kept hoping, and i would try getting up earlier to miss this huge delay. But eventually I realized, with this new choke on progress, it was faster to go the surface streets.
Could I go find a way to contact the freeway overlords and tell them this was stupid? Probably. Would I be able to change their mind about these merging regulators? Unlikely.
So. I just go around it.
No need to get upset, just do something else.
there are some people that I regard the same way. I know their measure, and I know that it is unassailable. They will not change, and it’s just better to go around them.
Except I have feelings about people in a way I don’t really have feelings about that merge. I think people are possibly able to change, and I could affect the outcome.
Sometimes I could. Sometimes I could make it worse.
When I find myself doing that– going around a person — I always feel bad. Like I should give the other person a chance, and maybe I am misjudging them. Maybe if they *knew* what trouble they were causing they would be pleased to change.
But then I am afraid that I might make it worse. I’ve had that happen.
So. If I can go around I usually will. But I wonder if I am doing the right thing.